


Finding Home

by anonymous_monster



Category: Four Brothers (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-19
Updated: 2012-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-02 05:31:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_monster/pseuds/anonymous_monster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is something I had posted at Live Journal a long while back.  Thought I would post it here as an opening.</p>
<p>Gives a bit of background for each of the boys and takes it beyond the movie.  Obviously Jack lives here as well.  :-)  Some bad language, mentions/descriptions of child abuse, and violence (but if you saw the film none of that should surprise you).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bobby

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a long while back and had no beta. So as I mentioned when I posted on LJ, I don't own the characters just all the grammatical errors.

Bobby sat in the hard chair at his caseworker’s desk in the crowded offices of Children’s Services. He looked around at the people bustling around, glaring at anyone who might look his way, though most seemed too wrapped up in their own business to pay him much mind. Occasionally he looked across the desk at Evelyn who was busy trying to find yet another placement for him. At 13, he had already been shifted around more times than he could count, but this time really hadn’t been his fault. He’d tried to explain to his latest foster mother that the other boy had started the fight, but he supposed that since said other boy was her own son and dripping blood down his face from a broken nose at the time, his explanation was brushed aside easily enough.

A sigh from Evelyn brought his attention back over to the sweet woman. That was the 9th phone call she’d placed trying to find another foster family to take him. Most of them had already had Bobby in their homes at one point or another and none were willing to give him another try. It was already nearing 5 o’clock, so he figured pretty soon she’d have to admit defeat and send him back to the group home. He wasn’t exactly a welcome face there either. When he looked up into her face he could seen how worn and tired she was. He really was sorry to put this on her. She was the only person who ever gave a damn about him.

“I really am sorry Evie…I am. I…” He couldn’t quite finish the sentence. He’d already explained what had happened to her and couldn’t think of anything else to say that might make it okay. At least she had believed him, though. She was the only one who ever believed him.

She gave him a small grin, “I know dear, I know. There’s a good kid under all that glaring, I can see him, no matter how hard you try to hide it.”

Bobby rolled his eyes up, “You’re the only one.”

Evelyn sighed as she looked back at him. She just didn’t know what else to do for the boy. It looked like the group home was where he was headed, even though she knew it was the last place he needed to be. The boy needed a home, plain a simple. Somewhere that he knew he could learn what being safe was about. She remembered the original scene when she’d been called to his uncle’s home years ago. The filthy, unkempt place itself was less horrifying to her than the image the boy was when she first laid eyes on him. He’d been withdrawn and wary looking, constantly on the lookout for some harm to come his way. He’d reminded her of a caged tiger, or perhaps more a caged tiger cub. And since then, while he’d learned to hide his emotions much better, he still always carried that wary look about him. Like he was ready to attack anything that came at him.

Bobby looked back down at the floor, still slumped down in his chair, arms crossed over his chest defensively. He muttered something so low under his breath, she barely caught it. Barely. “Wish I could stay here with you.” He knew it was a stupid thing to say. After all, she surely had her own life. She didn’t live here at her desk just waiting for Bobby to fuck up again. He noticed she had gone still and he chanced another glance up to see her looking at him speculatively. “I’m sorry Evie…I…I shouldn’t have said that…shit…”

“Language, Bobby.” It came out reflexively. He could tell she was still thinking about something. A moment later, she seemed to come to a conclusion, “Bobby, I need to go talk with someone, I want you to sit right there. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” With another look to make sure he would do as she asked, she got up and headed towards the offices at the back of the building.

Bobby watched her walk away and sighed. “Way to fuck up this time,” he thought to himself.

It was some 20 minutes later and well past 5 o’clock before she returned with a set of papers which she placed into his open file before her and back into her cabinet. She looked up at him and smiled, straightening out her desk and gathering her purse and keys. “Well, let’s go.”

“Did you find a place for me, then?” He looked up at her a bit confused.

“Yes…you gave me the idea, yourself Bobby. Since you can’t seem to keep yourself out of trouble anywhere else I put you, I guess I’ll take you home myself.” The little grin and the warmth behind her eyes took away the harshness of her words.

Bobby slid out of his chair slowly and slung his bag over his shoulder. He followed her out, not quite believing that she meant it. It wasn’t until the she was parked outside of a two story home on a brick foundation that he realized she did indeed mean it. It obviously wasn’t a brand new home or a mansion by any means, but it looked nice. Nicer even than many of the homes he had been sent to before. As he followed her inside, still shocked, he took a look around. The stuff inside wasn’t exactly luxury but…well it looked homey. It was a far sight nicer that the home he had spent the first 10 years of his life. His uncle’s home had been anything but homey. He stuffed back those memories before he could feel his anger rising again and looked back at Evelyn to find her standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen smiling softly at him.

“You want to go upstairs…see your room?”

“Yeah…I mean, yes ma’am.” 

She chuckled softly and led the way up the stairs and to a room that overlooked the front yard. He glanced around the room seeing sparse decorations. A bed, a nightstand with a lamp, and a dresser comprised the furnishings. The bed wasn’t even made up he noticed as he set his bag on it, just the mattress and a bare pillow. And even so it was nicer than the group home cot that otherwise would have been waiting for him.

Her heard her pulling in the hall and poked his head out the door to see her digging out some things from a closet a couple doors down. She came back and handing him some sheets and blankets.

“I know it’s kind of bare in there. I started to set it up as a guest room, but…well…I never really have any guests so there it sits.” She glanced around the room herself, seeming a little self conscious.

“It’s great, Evie, really. Perfect.” He didn’t want her to think he was ungrateful. 

“I’ll assume you’re capable of making your own bed?” She said with a grin. “When you’re done, come downstairs to the kitchen. I need to get dinner started and we can discuss the house rules, okay?”

Bobby nodded. “Sure…”

After quickly making the bed and glancing around the room again, he headed downstairs and into the kitchen where Evelyn was throwing together dinner. He sat at the table and watched her cook quietly. He’d learned over the years that staying quiet helped to avoid getting hit. Not that he was usually very good at staying quiet…but he was trying extra hard not to mess up here.

At dinner, she watched him eat ravenously, as boys his age do, with a fond smile. “So tomorrow, I’ll take you to the school and get you set up with classes. I expect you to go to school every day. No ditching. Don’t look at me like that, I know you well enough. So no ditching.” She smiled at him fondly again. 

“Okay…” He listened cautiously as Evelyn laid down the law so to speak, though the laws she had seemed down right lenient compared to most places he’d been at.

That night as Bobby lay in his freshly made in the sparse room, he wondered just how long he could make this last. How long it would take before he did something to fuck up the latest in his string of homes. He hoped and knew he would try harder here than anywhere else not to mess this up, but he knew himself well enough to know that he would. He just hoped he could handle it when Evelyn, finally realized he wasn’t worth the effort.

His night was like most others, sporadic sleep between nightmares that weren’t exactly nightmares. They were memories. So instead of fading away the next morning like a nightmare image would, they stayed with him always. The time with his uncle was the worst. His aunt was usually too drunk to care anything about what he was doing. And when she did, she would do things like use him to put out her cigarettes. His uncle told him regularly what a waste of space he was, usually followed up by a punch or a back hand, so he knew it must be true. Toughen up boy! I ain’t raisin’ no sorry ass faggot here! Don’t you fuckin’ cry. Babies cry. You wanna be a baby?

When morning came, he swallowed back the anger he usually woke with and readied himself for the day. He was going to be right by Evelyn. He was.

The first week went by with only relatively small glitches. And compared to other “glitches” Bobby had experienced they were really nothing. Living with Evelyn was so easy. Dealing with anyone else on the other hand, was much harder. 

It was midway through week 3 before the first major incident, the kind of incident that warranted a call to Evelyn and had her down to his school. He’d gotten into yet another fight over some stupid thing some other kid had said. After all, the principal at the school had the records from his previous schools. Fighting wasn’t something new to Bobby. He just lost his temper and the next thing he knew, he was hitting something or someone. He couldn’t seem to help it.

Evelyn for her part simply gave him a disappointed look and proceeded to smooth things over well enough that he wound up with a 5 day suspension rather than just expelling him. The expulsion didn’t come until 6 months and multiple other “incidents” later. And through it all Evelyn didn’t give up on him.

A few weeks after the expulsion, after Bobby had been settled into his new school, Evelyn looked across the table at him after dinner.

“Bobby, I want to discuss something very important with you. I’ve been thinking about this strongly for a while now. But you deserve to have some input in this as well.”

Bobby’s mind was racing to figure out what he had done. He knew this was it. This was the moment she would tell him they had to find another arrangement. This was the moment when she would tell him she couldn’t handle him and send him along, just like everyone else. Only he couldn’t figure out what he had done today. Sure there was the school thing, but he hadn’t done anything at the new school. At least not yet, his mind told him. He sat back in his chair eyes downcast and folding his arms across his chest in his usual defensive posture, trying to look tough, and by most standards succeeding far better than any 13 year old kid should. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh don’t ma’am me…you know that just makes me feel old.” She responded with a grin. “And look at me. You’re not in trouble here.”

“What is it then? Whatever I did, I can fix it…I promise…” He hated the pleading sound in his voice, and felt his temper rise a bit at it.

“Oh honey…” Evelyn moved over and sat down in the chair next to Bobby and shifted his shoulders around to look at her. “Bobby, you didn’t do anything…at least not today.” She gave him another little grin with the hopes of lightening the mood a bit. “No dear, I wanted to talk about you maybe staying here for good with me. On a permanent basis.”

His eyes flew up to hers trying to see if she was making some sort of cruel joke. He couldn’t see anything but her honest warmth. “You mean…you want…are you saying…?” He couldn’t quite bring himself to finish the words.

She smiled again. “I mean adoption. If it’s what you want. What do you say? You want to stay here full time. Be Bobby Mercer.”

“Bobby Mercer...” he parroted back. His mind was swimming. He couldn’t honestly believe she meant it. Flashes in his mind of the words of his Uncle, of other foster parents came flooding back. Worthless. Unwanted. Useless. Animal. He looked at her confused and not quite knowing what to say or if he should really believe her. Did he want it? More than anything in the world. To have a home, a family. It was more than he had ever dared to believe. He tried to answer, but his throat felt tight and his eyes burned. Oh no…he wasn’t going to cry. Babies cried. He wasn’t a baby. He blinked rapidly and nodded his head instead.

Evelyn’s smile widened further and he couldn’t believe that she looked so happy. He let her tug him into a fierce hug. “I’m going to take care of all the paper work tomorrow.” She chuckled softly giving him another hug, which he managed to return, then went about clearing the table and cleaning up after dinner.

That night as he lay in bed, he thought it over and over in his head. Home. He had a home. He was Bobby Mercer. And even though it was another 3 months before he called her Ma, He was Bobby Mercer from that day forward and was home.


	2. Enter Jeremiah

For Bobby, life was going far more smoothly than it ever had in his short life. The months he was settling into his new home were like heaven in comparison to places he had lived in the past. And most importantly of all, the woman he had begun to think of as his mother, Evelyn, was everything that any person could ever want in a mother. It still took him by surprise that she was still standing by him, no matter how many times he came home with scraped knuckles, a poor report card, or just in one of his more foul moods.

About 6 weeks after Bobby officially became a Mercer, he met another man who had the next biggest impact in his life. He had been in an argument with another boy who happened to be a few years older than him in the park a few blocks from his home. Bobby used to hang out there regularly when he was in some of his lighter moods. That day, though, this other teenager and started giving Bobby some grief over something so trivial he couldn’t even remember what the initial remark had been. So much for his good mood. 

Bobby saw that this kid had about 6 inches and about 15 pounds on him. He knew he was probably going to come away from this worse for the wear, but he never was one to back down from a fight. This time though, just as things were just getting physical a tall man in a black coat came plowing through the crowd of teens to pull the two of them apart. In a fit of anger at being thrown back, Bobby turned on the intruder with a shout, intent on letting his rage out on the last person that touched him. That was when he saw the collar. “Shit, he’s a priest”, he thought.

“Enough boys! Now I want all of you to get yourselves home. This instant.” The man had a deep, rough voice that Bobby wouldn’t have placed with a priest. And he wasn’t Irish. Bobby didn’t know why, but for some reason in his head, Catholic priests were either Irish or Latin, and since this guy was obviously white, he should have been Irish. “Except the two of you.” He turned his attention from the crowd onto the two angry boys before him.

Father Rossi looked down between the two of them, settling his eyes on the older boy. “Bryan, what’s the meaning of this? Am going to have to call your father again?”

The boy pulled his glare away from Bobby and looked sullenly at the older man. “No sir…it was nothing sir…we were just leaving.”

“Then I suggest you get yourself in a hurry, before I lose my kind and forgiving nature.” At that moment, Father Rossi looked anything but kind and forgiving as he turned his stern gaze onto Bobby. Bryant took the moment to slink off with another heated glare over his shoulder towards Bobby.

“You I’ve not had the pleasure of dealing with before. What’s your name, boy?”

“Bobby Mercer.” 

“Ah, yes…you’re Evelyn’s boy, right?”

Bobby nodded his answer, crossing his arms over his chest and looking up at him with a hard gaze.

“She mentioned you to me a few weeks ago. Had some nice things to say about you. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do anything to disappoint her now, would you, son? Maybe you should find something to do with your time, other than fighting in the park.”

 

Bobby shrugged. “I guess.” Not that he really knew what that something might be. He’d tried playing basketball at the rec center that Evelyn often got her kids involved in, but he didn’t get along well with the other kids there. 

Father Rossi looked down at Bobby speculatively. “You play any sports?”

Bobby shook his head. “Not anymore.”

Father Rossi let out a short laugh that could have just as easily been a cough but for the amusement in his eyes. He could tell this kid was as troubled as Evelyn had mentioned to him. But he could also see, just as she could, that he wasn’t the sort of bad seed that others seemed to think he was. He just needed some guidance. And apparently something to do in his spare time. “You ever consider playing hockey?”

Bobby looked confused and shook his head again. “Not really.”

The man reached into a pocket and pulled out a card with an address on it. “Why don’t you come down to the center after school tomorrow afternoon? Give it a try? I coach a junior league team through the church 3 days a week. And speaking of church, perhaps you could give Sunday Mass a go…but then I guess one thing at a time…”

Bobby looked down at the card and back up at Father Rossi. “I’ll have to ask Ev…my mother…”

Bobby showed up at the local rink that next afternoon and for every practice thereafter. He found that hockey was something he could pour his aggressive energy into enthusiastically. He turned out to be pretty good at it too. Good enough that Father Rossi took him under his wing as his prize pupil. 

On his 14th birthday, Evelyn gave him his first real birthday presents ever. She’d given him a pair of skates, nice ones too, not the old shabby ones he used from the church leagues supplies, and his own hockey stick. She was happy that he had found something that he seemed so good at. Now that fall was approaching, the outdoor public rink was going to be frozen over soon and he needed his own stuff, to play in the pickup games the kids threw together there. She was going to make sure he could. She also made his favorite cake, German chocolate. Absolutely the best birthday he had ever had. 

The following years Bobby continued on playing hockey for the church’s league. He even started attending Sunday mass after multiple requests from Father Rossi. This certainly wasn’t to say that he miraculously became a well-behaved “A” student type of kid. He still had the occasional fight, if occasional could be referred to as about once a month. The worst of those incidents was the night he was brought back to Evelyn’s home in the back of a squad car. He’d been at a party with some other kids from school which had apparently gotten a bit out of hand and resulted in a charge of Destruction of Property. Bobby served his hours of community service under Evelyn’s watchful eyes, and though he was certain she would have, she didn’t give up on him or even consider sending him away again. That incident had also earned him the longest speech about his behavior from Father Rossi that he had had yet.

About one month after his 16th birthday, Evelyn looked at him from across the dinner table one evening with a serious expression. It was what he had labeled her “we need to talk” look. Bobby thought frantically about what he might have done recently that would warrant the coming conversation but couldn’t come up with anything that serious. At least not serious by his standards.

“Bobby, dear, I wanted to talk to you about something important. I’ve been thinking about something lately, but before I decide on anything, I want to talk to you first. After all, this would affect you just as much as me. You deserve to have some say in it.”

“Okay...” He settled back into his usual defensive posture, face hardened and arms crossed.

“It’s okay Bobby…no need to be anxious now, dear. It’s just…well…how would you feel about being a big brother?”

Bobby blinked a few times in shock and puzzlement. “What you mean? Like…you’re adopting someone else?” You’re replacing me was more the thought.

“It’s something I’m considering. I’ve been working with another young man who, much like you, has had a hard time of things. He’s a good kid too. Just seems like no one sees that. You understand?”

Bobby nodded. He did understand too and she knew it. And if Evelyn was willing to give Bobby a chance, shouldn’t Bobby give this other kid a chance too? Especially if it was what Evelyn wanted? She rarely ever asked anything of him, and he knew she deserved a far better son than him. He resolved himself that he would be best big brother he could. “When is he moving in?” He relaxed his arms back down and gave her a tight grin.

Evelyn smiled back over to Bobby warmly. She could tell he was still tense, but he was trying. He always tried so hard to be a good kid for her. “I was thinking of bringing him over tomorrow evening so you two could get to know one another.”

That next evening after work, Evelyn arrived home a bit later than usual. Bobby was sitting on the couch watching the latest hockey game when she walked in. A tallish black boy was standing a few feet behind her looking around with the same wary expression that Bobby was sure was pretty much the same look that had been on his face the first day he had come to Evelyn’s home. He stood up, more so that he didn’t feel like he was looking up to anyone than to be polite, offered a tentative smile.

Evelyn was the one to break the silence between them. “Bobby, I would like to introduce you to Jeremiah. Jeremiah, this is my son Bobby.” After a moment, she gave Bobby a pointed look.

“Oh…uh…hi…” Bobby stepped forward and offered his hand. The other boy looked at him a moment before rolling his eyes and shaking, if one could call a 2 second contact a hand shake. Bobby swallowed back his rising temper, not wanting to fight with the kid on their first meeting. That would only hurt Ma’s feelings, he knew and he had no intentions of ever hurting her feelings when he could help it.

That first meeting was shaky at best. Bobby learned that Jeremiah preferred to be called Jerry and that he was 14 years old and that he preferred basketball to hockey. Well that’ll have to change, he thought. Over the next few months Bobby Mercer came more and more to the decision that he did not like newly minted Jeremiah Mercer one bit. While what Evelyn had initially said about Jeremiah and Bobby being alike that first night over dinner was certainly true, that was where the similarity ended. Bobby was emotional and rash where Jerry was calmer and thoughtful. While Bobby had a tendency to get into loud brawls not caring who else was around, when Jerry fought he always seemed to find a way to do so a bit more quietly with no one else around to break it up. While Bobby’s criminal endeavors always seemed to lean towards violence or vandalism, Jeremiah was more noted by the authorities for stealing. Bobby tried to be social with Jerry, but this only seemed to make this worse since Jerry always seemed to prefer to be away from Bobby.

Things finally came to a head between the two of them one summer afternoon about 4 months after Jerry officially became a Mercer. Jerry had built a tree house in the backyard and had taken a few things from the house to make it a bit more comfortable. He said it was because he had always wanted one when he was a kid but was never in one home long enough to get one. Bobby thought it was just so he would have somewhere he could go to be by himself. Unfortunately those things that Jerry had taken from the house had been Bobby’s things. It just pissed Bobby off even more when he found them since now everything was all dirty from being out in the tree house for a few days. 

The next day, unable to shake his anger at Jerry, Bobby ran straight home from hockey practice while Jerry was hanging out with a new friend he had met. He went straight to the backyard with a can of gasoline and promptly set fire to the tree house. 

The flames were a bit higher than Bobby had thought about which alerted a neighbor who promptly called the fire department. By the time they put out the flames, the tree was rather scorched, but the tree house itself was destroyed. The only reason charges hadn’t been made against him for arson was that it was Evelyn’s property and she refused to press them, despite the urges from the police officer present. Unfortunately, Evelyn had also been called home from work early because of it and was about as mad at the boys as she ever got. Bobby did feel bad for that. Jerry on the other hand was livid. He screamed and yelled and the two of them exchanged several blows before Evelyn’s warnings stopped them cold.

“That’s it!! I see the two of you obviously have far too much time on your hands this summer. It seems we’ll have to something else to do with your time before you manage to destroy the whole house!”

“What did I do?!?” Jerry seemed appalled that she would blame him for any part of this. “This is all his fault! He’s the one that started the fire and he burned down my tree house!”

“And just where did you get all the material to build that tree house, Jerry? If I asked around some of the building sites around the neighborhood, would I find that they’ve been having supplies and tools come missing from their job sites? Hmm?” She leveled a glare at him and Jerry had the smarts to shut up and look a bit sheepish about that. She knew him too well, it seemed.

Evelyn sighed and rubbed the back of her neck wearily before looking back at the boys. “We’ll talk about this more tomorrow. There’s nothing more to be done tonight.” Without another word to them, she trudged back into the house and went about getting dinner ready. Bobby was at a completed loss for words. His anger, while not completely evaporated, was certainly depleted a whole lot. Evelyn had never before seemed so…disappointed in him. 

He glanced over at Jerry who was standing in the smoky back yard. He felt like he was supposed to apologize, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t really feel like he was in the wrong there. Okay, maybe he over-reacted, but he wasn’t wrong, damn it!! Instead of saying anything to Jerry who was glaring at him for all his worth, Bobby just turned and walked back inside. He sat silently in the kitchen while Evelyn went about cooking. He wanted to say something or do something to take that tired, sad look off her face, he just didn’t know what.

Dinner was a quiet affair that night. Bobby kept glancing up a bit nervously at Evelyn, who was apparently still mad enough despite her overall disappointment, to not feel like comforting. 

The next morning, Bobby was up early, before anyone else. He blinked tiredly but forced himself outside and began to quietly clean up the ruined back yard as best he could. A couple hours later, he pulled inside by a softly smiling Evelyn. She fixed him some breakfast before heading out. After breakfast Jerry joined him in the back yard and the two of the quietly spent the week cleaning it up. Shockingly enough, not the first argument broke out between them.

“Tree House Incident”, as Bobby liked to call it, was the turning point in their relationship. Sure, they still bickered, but that was the point that Bobby could say they were really family. As mad as he might get with him, Jerry was his brother, and he’d never do anything like that to hurt him again. 

On the downside of that, the neighborhood now had to live with both of the boys. If they were trouble alone, they were all out war together. And through it all, Evelyn never gave up. Not on either one of them. Bobby might not have ever picked Jerry for a friend before, but now he was family. And Bobby was nothing if not loyal to his new family.


	3. Fallen Angel

Despite his troubles (and one arrest for underage drinking for which he was sentenced to do 100 hours of community service), Bobby did manage to graduate high school. He wasn’t anywhere near top of his class, but he did get a diploma. He even marched in that gown and stupid hat, just to see Evelyn smile. She took so many pictures he complained he was going blind from the flashes. All in all, though it was a good day.

That following year, he kept a job at a local factory and worked enough shifts to save a bit of money. He got a small apartment in a less than attractive part of town. Of course when he was arrested after a bar fight and had to serve a 30 day sentence for disturbing the peace or some shit like that, he lost the job and thus the apartment and wound up back home again. He’d never say so out loud, but he really didn’t mind the being back under Evelyn’s roof so much. Losing the factory job though, was tough. It had been a pretty good job.

A year and some major prodding from Father Rossi later, Bobby decided to try out for a hockey team. It was minor league, but it would be playing for real. Not just in pickup games with the boys in the neighborhood. So he went up to Grand Rapids and tried out for the Griffins. To say he was happy when he made the team would be an understatement. The scouts had been a little cautious given his less than upstanding background, but he was good. He was damn good, so they gave him a shot. And he gave them damn good games in return, even though he was thrown out of a few of those games for “excessive force”. 

After playing for the Griffins for 2 years a scout for the Detroit Red Wings drafted him to their team. He’d never seen Evelyn look so proud when he drove over for dinner that night and told her and Jerry the news. Jerry was also doing pretty damn well himself. He’d gotten a good Union job and a local plant and was dating a nice girl named Camille. He told Bobby he was even going to Camille’s church regularly too. Bobby figured Jerry was doing this more for Camille’s dad than it was for his soul, which earned Jerry a punch in the arm from Camille when he didn’t deny it.

He was staying at home again while practicing with the Red Wings, so he was there when Evelyn came home from work one day and said she needed to talk him and Jerry about something. Bobby recognized the look as the same one she had when she’d first told him about Jerry and sure enough she sat across the dinner table from him and Jerry and told them about a kid she’d been having a hard time finding a placement for. Who were the two of them to protest giving him a shot?

When the kid arrived the next evening he seemed so cock-sure of himself that Bobby just wanted to smack him on the back of the head. But he was older now than he was when Jerry arrived so he held himself back. He learned that night that the kid’s name was Angel. Over the next few years, Bobby figured out he was anything but. Oh, he wasn’t a horrible kid. Certainly not violent like Bobby was or conniving the way Jerry could be. But he was surely no saint. No, he was a Mercer.

After Angel had settled in the house was boisterous. As much as Bobby liked to think of himself as being older and more mature, for some reason having Angel around seemed to revert both he and Jerry to teenagers again. Angel gave as much as he got easily enough. 

Though Bobby hadn’t gotten all of the details, Evelyn had explained that Angel had been raised by his step-father after his mother had died. She didn’t say so at the time, but Bobby found out later that the step-father had killed Angel’s mom. He was some sort of anti-government sort who had been teaching Angel things about surviving in the world and looking out for yourself that kids should have to learn so early. By the time Angel had come to Evelyn at age 13, he could smile and charm his way to almost anything he wanted. And he wasn’t half bad at it. Except with Evelyn. She always knew when to call bullshit on his antics.

Bobby wasn’t home as often while Angel was younger. He was on the road a lot during the hockey season, and during the off season, he stayed at his own apartment. This place was much nicer than the first apartment he had given that his pay was a bit higher up than the factory job had ever given. All in all, he felt things were going well. He even managed to stay out of jail. 

He did get thrown out of quite a few games during his tenure with the Red Wings; that “excessive force” shit just seemed to have followed him into the majors. Being on the team did keep him out of jail, though. His fighting landed him in Anger Management classes rather than a courtroom. 

When Angel got busted for shoplifting at the mall one afternoon, it was Bobby he called rather than Evelyn. Not that Bobby could blame him. Hell, if he’d had an older brother to call instead of Evelyn for some of the shit he had gotten into, he’d have done it too! Bobby laughed at the look on the mall security guard’s face when he showed up to pick up his “baby brother”. At first the guard required proof of kinship since the family resemblance was a bit lacking. When the guard was convinced after 15 minutes and a significant rising of Bobby’s temper, he led Angel out of the security office, just barely overhearing some snide comment about “those Mercers”. Bobby thought he damned near bit his tongue clean off just to not turn around and punch the fat bastard’s face in. And from the look on Angel’s face, he would’ve had some help there. One of the few times Bobby was able to reason himself down and he walked out of that mall, a sour-faced Angel in tow. 

When he and Angel got back only right before Evelyn, he just told her he had decided to come over for dinner. Angel and Jerry promptly kept the cover, but Bobby could tell her bullshit senses were going off. Bless her, but she never said anything. Even though he was sure she found out at some point that he was teaching the youngest Mercer how to be a better criminal.

As he was watching the news that evening, sprawled out on Evelyn’s ugly orange, but rather comfortable couch, he grinned, watching Angel harass Jerry. Jerry finally had enough and wrestled Angel to the floor pinning him there until he cried uncle. Bobby figured in a few more years, Angel would be bigger than Jerry and he wondered if Jerry would still be able to take   
him. Bobby would bet money, he could. Then Evelyn came in, swatting them both with a dishtowel playfully and sent them all to the dining room for dinner. Watching his family that night Bobby felt like he had everything in the world he could have ever wanted. He was home.


	4. Cracker Jack

Bobby’s peace didn’t last forever. Not that he had ever really expected it to. Not really. He’d been playing with the Red Wings for 2 years when his temper finally got the best of him yet again. He’d gotten into a fight with a player from another team and had beaten the bastard unconscious. The managers for the team weren’t able to keep charges from being pressed this time so Bobby wound up serving a 30 month sentence for aggravated assault. 

It wasn’t a few weeks into that sentence when Bobby was jumped by two other inmates. They’d heard of the “Michigan Mauler” and took it into their heads that they were going to teach him a thing or two about prison life. Bobby figured they just thought they could take the pro-athlete and turn him into their personal bitch. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t seem to realize that the reputation he was given on the ice was one that was earned and for once one that was quite real. When one of the two inmates wound up in the infirmary for a week with the other in a hospital while Bobby wound up in solitary for two weeks, that reputation was turned up another notch. He didn’t have much in the way of problems from other inmates after that, other than the occasional fight just to make sure the other inmates steered clear of him.

Visits once a month from Ma were his highlights. Occasionally Angel or Jerry would join her. He’d been more upset at having disappointed her so much than he was at the actual prison sentence. He remembered overhearing her telling Jerry something while they were standing outside the courtroom with his lawyer and his manager. “That Bobby…bright as he is, he just doesn’t like to think.” The disappointment in her voice stuck with him more than the actual words.

What was even worse was from his manager. They’d decided that no matter how good a player he was, they couldn’t keep him on like this. It was a real shame too, because he was a good hockey player. But they had the rest of the team to think of. He’d been pretty bitter about that. He loved the game and loved the Red Wings. He’d even made a few friends among his teammates. Between the looks from Ma, his manager, and his team, he’d never felt like such a fuck up before. And that was saying a lot.

When Bobby celebrated his 26th birthday while in prison, he didn’t really see much to celebrate other than his visit from Ma with a card and a small cake that the guards actually let him eat. Jerry had come to visit as well, but apparently Angel had some important date with a little Puerto Rican girl that lived up the street from them. And apparently he was looking at possibly joining up with the Marines after high school. Bobby listened to the family update but could tell there was something else on his Ma’s mind. She had that “we need to talk” look again. Jerry could recognize it too, and from the look on his face, it didn’t seem like she’d shared anything with him before the visit.

She gave him a small smile and finally just came out with it. “You’re going to have another younger brother when you come home.” Just like that. No asking him first this time. He figured given his current predicament that he really didn’t deserve to be asked. He was shocked that Jerry hadn’t known about it though. He could tell he didn’t from the shocked look on Jerry’s face when she said it.

He shrugged. “Okay.” And that was the first time there was mention of Jack.

The next time she brought up Jack wasn’t until some 9 months later. Ma had come for a visit by herself this time. Turned out Angel had decided to hang around home for a bit longer, apparently to help out Ma with the youngest Mercer. It was that or he couldn’t tear himself away from the piece of ass up the street. And Bobby just couldn’t figure that one out at all. From what he remembered of her, she was loud and obnoxious to the point that he wondered what sort of psychosis the bitch had.

This visit though, Ma decided to tell him a bit more about Jack. He wasn’t sure if it was because this was the first visit in a while where neither Jerry nor Angel had come with or if it was just because Bobby would be coming home again in 6 months. In any case she told him a bit more about Jack. That was when he realized why she was so determined that the boy have a chance. As bad as Bobby had had things, hell as bad as any of the brothers had had things, Jack had been through far, far worse shit. 

Jack had apparently been pulled out of a nice house in a nice neighborhood in Lansing. The boy’s father had been killed by his brother right in front of the then 10 year old kid for no apparent reason. At least that was the initial thought. After a bit of digging into the “family” the horrifying truth came out. The father of the two boys hadn’t really been their father at all. Jack’s drug-addict mother had apparently sold the kid when he was about 3 years old to some freakish perv who apparently in turn sold him a couple years later to this guy. This was apparently a pretty similar story to the older kid in the house. The one that snapped. What those two kids lived through was unthinkable. The older one apparently killed himself a few months after the murder; he’d only been 14. Jack’s biological mother was apparently dead of an OD by the time social work had found her. No one had told Jack that just yet. According to Ma, there just didn’t seem to be any reason to tell the kid that his real mother was dead. He didn’t even remember that far back to know who she was, and Ma figured it would just be another hurt he could do without.

Of course all of that had come out a few years ago. The Children’s Services office in Lansing was at the end of their tether after the boy had been bounced from home to home and so had sent the boy to the Detroit offices when they couldn’t find a permanent placement for him. The good foster families that would usually be capable of dealing with a boy that traumatized were simply overloaded and none were able to take on the burden. So his first night in Detroit he was sent to a group home. That night the boy was attacked by a group of older boys and one of them wound up with a pretty serious cut from a switchblade that no one even knows how the boy got. That was what set it for Evelyn. He was coming with her. If nothing else the kid deserved a safe place to live. And if no one else could seem to provide it, she would.

She told him that the boy was very quiet most of the time, just sitting staring at nothing and softly humming. It wasn’t like he was mentally incapable of communicating, just that he seemed to prefer not to. She had to take a firmer tone with him sometimes and make him actually look her in the eyes to make sure he understood what she was saying to him. Nights were the worst times though and he would often wake screaming from night terrors and it often took an hour or more to calm him back down. She said one of the sadder moments with him, she’d caught him with his pockets full at the grocery store and thought he was stealing candy or some such. This certainly would have been the case with any of the other 3 boys. But when she had him empty his pockets she found just some basic needs: a bar of soap, a tooth brush, and some toothpaste. He’d looked downright terrified of what she was going to do. She brought him home and actually had to explain to him what being in a family really meant. She said it nearly broke her heart to see that terrified look on his face directed at her. 

Bobby couldn’t have been more relieved that Angel had hung around helping Ma out with him. Jerry did what he could, but between working full time and marrying Camille he just didn’t have the kind of time she or Jack needed. Bobby felt like even more of a fuck up when she left. He should be there helping out too.

Father Rossi had even come to the prison a few times to visit Bobby. Well more to lecture Bobby about his behavior and how he hoped that finally after this was all said and done the young man would finally settle in to a decent life and quit throwing away gift horses.

When his sentence was completed and he was finally released, he thought the outside air had never smelled so good. It was late spring. Perfect weather. And his family, minus Jerry, was there to greet him at the gate. Jerry had to work according to Ma, but he promised to be at the house for dinner. Ma said he looked good, though he was sure he probably didn’t. He probably just looked harder. Angel just smirked at him in his old familiar cocky way and said, “Welcome back to the real world, slackass! ‘Bout time you met the baby of the family. That’s Cracker Jack, there.” Standing a bit behind and to the side of his mother and his brother where Angel was pointing was apparently Jack. 

Jack looked nothing like his other brothers had. The first thing Bobby noticed about the 14 year old teenager was that he had a thin coltish look about him, ears perked and on the lookout; like he would bolt at the first sign of danger. He just rolled his eyes up at Angel’s nick name for him before subtly glancing over at Bobby. The next thing that struck Bobby was the startling blue eyes when the kid briefly met his gaze long enough to say a quiet hello before shifting his gaze away to look around some more. The first word that came to Bobby’s mind to describe him was beautiful. Then he figured he just must’ve been in prison too long. He shook his head and let his mother lead him to the car and back to the house.

Jack had taken Bobby’s old room since it was empty when he moved in so there was a bit of a dilemma as to where Bobby would now be staying. When Bobby mentioned setting up the trundle bed in that room, at first Jack looked so scared of him that he figured he’d either wind up shoving the trundle into Angel’s smaller room, or trying to sleep on the couch downstairs. But Jack seemed to settle down quickly enough and agreed to the first arrangement. 

That first night Bobby got to experience firsthand what Ma had been talking about with Jack’s night terrors. The ear splitting scream had awakened him out of a dead sleep.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Bobby had bolted upright just to see Jack trashing up out of the bed and jumping towards the door. The blankets tangled around the kid’s legs, though and he tumbled to the floor. Bobby reached him and tried to calm him down, holding him tightly and speaking more softly than he ever really remembered before, before Evelyn and Angel appeared at the door. Jack struggled against him weakly before finally settling down a bit and blinking around the room. He was still shaking all over and drenched in sweat, but he was calm now, crying silent tears. Bobby had never felt such a strong urge to protect someone else in his entire life. 

During his time there, he and Jack slowly drew a bit closer, probably since they were the ones sharing a room. Jack’s night terrors became less frequent, though Bobby would still often wake in the middle of the night to the sound of Jack being startled awake by some nightmare or other. But the full on night terrors like he’d experienced that first night subsided again. Then there were other nights that Bobby would awaken to see Jack slipping out of the room quietly. Bobby would usually get up to look for him when he didn’t return quickly enough for it to simply be a trip to the bathroom. He would always find him sitting outside in the back yard rocking back and forth and humming some wordless song that Bobby didn’t recognize under his breath. Bobby would just sit with him quietly for a bit before persuading him to return to bed.

A few months after his release, Bobby was working at another factory job set up for him by the state in accordance with his release and was moved into a small apartment in a shitty neighborhood. It kind of reminded him of that first year after high school. But he spent as much time as possible at the place he really called home. A few months after that, Angel signed up for the Marines and was off. Bobby could tell right away that Angel’s absence had hit Jack a little hard. Angel had been the first one he had connected with and Bobby suspected his light hearted and easy going manner had helped to bring Jack out of his shell those first few steps. So he determined to spend as much time with him as he could, that protective streak jumping out at him again. On his days off he would take Jack out to the rink at the center where he first learned to play hockey and started teaching the youngest Mercer how to play the game.

Oddly, Bobby felt a strange thrill to have Jack hanging around him so much, strange given the age difference. His quiet nature, though, offset Bobby’s loud and demanding ways. Jack was quick to follow any order Bobby gave and was actually pretty good on the rink. He seemed to lose a little of his shyness once he was on the ice and could give as well as he got. Bobby would never admit it out loud, but his obedient nature appealed to his darker side too. Bobby liked being in control and Jack seemed to have no problems handing that control over.

None of this was to say that Jack was doing just fine. When Jack was 15, Bobby had gotten a frantic call from Evelyn in the middle of the night that they were on the way to the hospital. Jack had apparently OD’d on heroin. Just where the hell did a 15 year old kid get hard shit like that anyway? Jack’s drug use didn’t stop after that incident, though, much to the family’s disappointment. And apparently the shrinks weren’t helping one bit. Not that this really surprised Bobby, the shrinks never really helped him either. One day, after another hospital admission just before Jack’s 16th birthday, he finally told Bobby that he wished Evelyn hadn’t found him this time. That he wished could find something to kill the images of the past that still haunted his dreams and crept in the shadows of his mind. “I just want to be numb, Bobby”, he’d finished. 

Bobby felt like his heart froze at those words. He grabbed Jack by the arms, shaking him lightly. “Don’t you ever say that again, Jackie! Don’t you even think it!” He wasn’t sure who looked more scared at that moment, him or Jack. And Bobby never admitted to being afraid of anything before. He was afraid just then but he just wrapped his arms around Jack and told him it was gonna be okay. That he had a family who was gonna look out for him now. Jack had just nodded and buried his face in the crook of Bobby’s neck while he held him, trying desperately not to cry, but holding onto the front of Bobby’s shirt like a lifeline.

Two months later after being released from rehab, Bobby told Evelyn he was taking Jack out to catch a movie and some dinner. “C’mon Ma. The little fairy deserves a little time out!” The playful jest was something he’d started calling Jack when he was teaching him to play hockey. Most of the time Jack didn’t seem to mind. The most reaction Bobby ever got to the taunt was a middle finger in the air. Of course as much as he teased him about being gay or calling him a girl that was as far as the taunts went. Never once would Bobby utter the kind of words his uncle used to throw at him. Not to Jack. The one time Bobby overheard another kid yell “Faggot!” at Jack he’d held that kid against the wall by his throat and made sure it didn’t happen again. He didn’t see that kid around the rink anymore after that either. And Jack had looked at him with something akin to hero worship after that. Bobby guessed it was just that he’d never had anyone take up for him like that before.

That night Bobby did take Jack out. But there was no movie involved. Once they were down the road a bit, Bobby pinned Jack down with a glare. “You’re gonna tell me who’s been selling to you. That shit ain’t flyin’ no more, Jackie.” Bobby pulled the car into a parking lot and waited for Jack to answer. A few moments later Jack was quietly whispering a name and an address. Bobby drove straight there, ignoring the puzzled look from Jack. 

When they arrived at the address, he parked in front of the shabby looking house and went around to the trunk, Jack following slowly. He pulled out a shot gun and a can of gasoline, handing the can over to Jack. “Carry this. You’re gonna introduce me to your little friend.” As scared as Jack looked he still took the can and followed Bobby inside, obeying Bobby’s direction as always. He quietly pointed out his dealer, a man a bit older than Bobby and surprisingly clean looking given the look of the other three drugged out household members. Bobby dispersed those 3 into the night with loud threats to their lives but kept the shot gun trained on the dealer. 

“Jackie, I want you to soak that fucker.”

“With the gas?” Bobby gave him a look that clearly screamed ‘what else?’. And with trembling hands Jack did as he directed before stumbling away from the man, never once looking him in the eye.

“Now you, listen up, you sick piece of shit. You will never sell to my brother again. You hear me?” The man nodded, now terrified, though as yet he hadn’t said a word. 

“Sure man…anything you want…anything you want…”

“Of course it would probably be hard to sell smack from hell. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that’s where you’re headed. You can just consider my little send off a preview of the main event.” Bobby grinned and pulled a Zippo from his pocket and flipped it open, the flame dancing. 

“Aw…shit man…nononono…I promise…I’m not sellin’ to him no more… I promise.”

“That so? Well I’m feeling a little giving tonight…so you’re in luck.” Bobby tucked the lighter back into his pocket. “But you’re gonna have to do something for me. You need to start spreading the word around to your fuckin’ associates. I find out anyone’s dealing to my brother again, I’m coming for you first. So it’s in your best interest to make sure they know I’m serious. Got it?”

The man nodded violently. Bobby couldn’t really tell for sure since the guy was dripping all over from the gas, but he thought the guy had wet himself when he had pulled out the lighter. Now, as Bobby and Jack were backing out the door, the dealer just seemed to slump down in the chair relief evident on his face. Once they hit the door, Bobby didn’t so much as spare another glance in that direction. 

Back in the car, Jack sat quietly, fidgeting with his shirt sleeves and avoiding Bobby’s looks. After they had driven for 20 minutes, Bobby finally pulled into a restaurant. “Gotta feed ya or Ma’ll have my ass,” sounding almost happy. Bobby wound up ordering for both of them since Jack had barely glanced at the menu and wouldn’t even look at the waitress. He even had to give Jack a stern command to eat his food and quit playing with it. Even with that Jack barely ate half of what was on his plate. Bobby for his part kept up a conversation on lighter subjects like this season’s hockey line up. Jack responded, though with softly spoken short answers. 

As they were walking back to the car, Bobby finally shook his head and brought up the subject again. “Christ….how the hell does a kid your age get the money for that shit anyway? Ma sure as hell didn’t say you were stealing from her and I know you ain’t workin’.” He looked over at Jack when he didn’t get an answer. Jack was looking anywhere but at Bobby looking scared and blushing wildly, unshed tears standing in his eyes. Bobby almost didn’t hear the answer, but almost fell over from shock when he made out the words “didn’t pay him with money…”

Bobby stood there staring at Jack mixed feelings of rage, nausea, and something else he couldn’t quite define rolling through him. He must’ve been quiet too long, because Jack finally chanced a glance over at him. Those feelings must have been plainly written on his face for a change because that seemed to be Jack’s breaking point for the night. He backed up a step from Bobby, hands clenched in his hair, and just started sobbing out “I’m sorry” over and over. That image snapped Bobby into motion and reached over grabbing Jack and pulling him into a fierce hug.

He spoke quietly and softly like he would when Jack had a nightmare until the boy was calm again. When Jack relaxed into Bobby’s embrace, finally returning the hug, Bobby had the oddest feeling like Jack belonged right there and nowhere else. It was unsettling to say the least so Bobby pulled back to look Jack in the eyes, though reluctantly. That really didn’t make things much better for him though because when Jack’s eyes met his own upon a soft spoken demand from Bobby, they seemed bluer than he’d ever noticed before. It made him feel like Jack was the only other person in the world that mattered, and wasn’t that strange given how much he loved all of his family? He held his gaze for a moment when a sudden urge to kiss Jack struck him full force. And he did mean kiss, not the little pecks on the cheek he often gave to Ma, but the kind of kiss he would give some of the hotter groupies when he was playing pro.

Bobby jerked back away from Jack quickly and mumbled something about it being late and getting Jack home before Ma skinned them both alive. Jack seemed a bit startled about that, and if Bobby didn’t know any better, disappointed. He had the feeling that if he had reached down and kissed him, Jack would have let him.

Never let it be said that Bobby couldn’t repress with the best of them. For the next year, he stuffed those feelings down to the darkest reaches of his soul, never to be spoken aloud. He stayed close to Jack, though. Still spending as much time with him as he could. And though he knew Jack still smoked pot here and there, he never got wind that he was doing anything hard again. What was more, Jack took to playing an old guitar that Ma bought him and was pretty damned good at it, even though Bobby never really said that and accused Jack of just making a lot of racket. He even joined a band with a couple other guys from his school and played a couple local gigs around town.

Bobby also taught him some of the finer details of being a Mercer brother. Like how to fight dirty. Jack wasn’t as inclined to fight as the other brothers, but never let it be said that he couldn’t defend himself when a fight broke out. Not being a Mercer and all. Bobby also taught him how to shoot. To Jack’s defense, he wasn’t half bad there and what was more, he never once asked Bobby where he got the guns from. He even shared some things with Jack that he never told any of his other brothers, like how his coach for the Red Wings had made the team take ballet classes to improve their foot work on the ice. That little nugget was sworn to secrecy between the two of them with threat of torment should there be the slightest mention of leotards or tutus.

Those feelings never really went away though, repressed or not. Some mornings he would wake with a hard on that just wouldn’t go away, flashes of a dream he couldn’t quite remember but felt just right. When he would jack off in the shower, flashes of blue eyes always came up in his mind no matter what chick he tried to think of. He finally decided it was just because he hadn’t dated in a while. He just needed a woman, that was it. And so he started to date women he picked up here and there, mostly at bars. Not one of them seemed to fill that need he had though. At least he could say a couple of them were a great distraction for the short term anyway.

The night Jack graduated high school was a breaking point for him. Jack had gone out with his friends to celebrate after Ma’s traditional graduation dinner that she had taken him out for, just like she did for the other 3. Bobby got a call from Jack around 3 a.m. and from the slurring in his voice he was blitzed. Bobby chuckled and after a few tries finally got the address where he was and headed out to get his brother. When he arrived, he found Jack in the front yard of a house with a few other teens, his band mates one of whom graduated with him, the other 2 had graduated a couple years before. He was standing on the lawn in the softly falling rain, shirtless and singing some song that Bobby didn’t recognize. Probably would’ve sounded great if he weren’t slurring so much. What was most distracting for Bobby though was the fact that he was shirtless. Bobby watched as the rain water slid down his pale skin for a moment before pushing those pesky thoughts away and going to collect him. 

“Yo! Cracker Jack!”

Bobby chuckled at the big grin that lit up Jack’s face when he saw him. “Bobby!” He sauntered up, surprisingly evenly given his intoxication and slung his arms around Bobby in a draping hug. He chattered on about what had been going on at the little impromptu party his friends had thrown, but Bobby was too distracted by all that pale, wet skin to really pay attention. He untangled Jack from around him and tried to find his shirt so they could go. Jack led Bobby around the small house introducing him to the couple other housemates that were still alert enough to make an introduction to. But a drunk Jack was a chatty, distracted Jack and he never did find his shirt. With a sigh, Bobby figured it was best just to take him back to his apartment and let him stay the night there. Ma thought Jack was with friends for the night anyway.

Jack sang softly the whole way home, breaking only to tell Bobby something that must’ve seemed important to Jack at the moment. Bobby was still too put off trying to repress back those urges that a half-naked, wet Jack brought up in him. By the time he got Jack up to the apartment, Jack was winding down and Bobby figured it wouldn’t be long before he was down for the count. That couldn’t happen too soon for Bobby. He was hotter than he should be, sweating slightly and his jeans felt too tight and none of that equated with brotherly affection. It was too much. He swore he wasn’t going to be that kind of guy. He wasn’t. He wasn’t anything like those fuckers that had taken Jack when he was so young. You don’t do that to people you care about.

When Bobby pushed Jack into the single bedroom with the order to get some sleep, he just assumed Jack would obey as always. This time, though, Jack turned back to Bobby stepped right up close to him, wrapped his arms around Bobby’s neck. He was slightly flushed from the alcohol and his hair was sticking up in some places and plastered to his face wetly in others and all that was just entirely too appealing of an image. Bobby caught the soft whisper of “thank you” before Jack’s lips pressed up against his in a kiss that totally winded Bobby. Any other time and his resolved would’ve been far more steeled. Any other time and Bobby wouldn’t have kissed back. But he was too off guard that night and so his hands slid their way around Jack’s shoulders and into his hair, holding him tightly in place and kissing back demandingly. He pushed and maneuvered Jack backwards before falling down onto the bed with him, letting his hips grind down deliciously between Jack’s thighs. He slid downwards and sat up a bit, reaching down to pull off Jack’s boots. When he got them off he looked back up to Jack’s face to find it relaxed and soft. The boy had finally passed out. The realization of what had just happened and what had almost just happened hit Bobby like cold water. 

He jerked back quickly and threw the blanket on his bed over Jack’s prone form. Ignoring the ache in his groin, Bobby went back out to his living room and sank down onto his well-worn couch, quietly having his own personal freak out. He couldn’t believe what he had almost let happen there. What would have happened if Jack hadn’t passed out when he did. Christ, it wasn’t right. It was sick. It was wrong. He couldn’t stay around here anymore. If he did, he knew the next time something like this happened it wouldn’t stop like it had tonight. And he didn’t think he was strong enough to fight it anymore. He had to go. He had to get away from Jack before he did something that might hurt Jack in a way he swore he never would.

Bobby’s short sleep was restless on the couch and his neck hurt when he finally got up the next morning. The couch wasn’t exactly the best place to sleep, but he’d be damned if he was going to try and sleep in the bed next to Jack. Jack finally stumbled out of the bedroom, looking fairly worse for wear and hung over. He was blinking and looking around sluggishly before he found Bobby sitting at the dinette table in the kitchen sipping coffee. Turns out, that apparently God still loved Bobby after all, just like Father Rossi always said, because Jack didn’t even seem remember having called Bobby, much less having gotten to the apartment or anything that transpired once he got here. And Bobby sure as shit wasn’t gonna tell him.

If Bobby was a little short and terse with Jack that morning, Jack didn’t seem to notice. Probably because he was so hung over. Bobby just dropped him back off at Ma’s, not staying long to visit like he usually did when home. That week he filed a transfer at work and got moved to a sister factory in Lansing. Two weeks later he was gone. Away from Jack. And that hurt a bit more than he would have liked. Being away from Detroit didn’t mean that he didn’t speak to his family at all anymore. He called Ma twice a week religiously. The first couple weeks Jack refused to talk with him. He didn’t know why the one person in the world he was closest to would just up and leave him like that. But it wasn’t in Jack’s nature to hold it against him for too long so soon his calls to Ma involved him talking to Jack too. A few months after he had moved he found out from Ma that Jack had moved with his band to NYC. So now he started calling Jack periodically too. Of course not the way he called Ma. He just couldn’t stand it. So he only talked to Jack about once a month, though that was still more often than he talked to Jerry or Angel. 

The next few years seemed to slip by so fast. He switched up jobs a couple times, finally settling in to a construction gig. He’d even started seeing this waitress, Carol, for 6 months and thought things were about as serious as they could get. He had even been mulling over the possibility of marriage. She had moved in with him and thought things were going well. Until she suddenly broke up with him. It seemed to come to Bobby from out of the blue, but she acted like he should’ve known all along. She’d said, “How can you expect me to give you so much of me, when you never give anything back? It’s like you’re settling for second best. And I don’t know who she is that you can’t let go of, but maybe you should find her instead.” And with that, she was gone.

Bobby kind of settled into a dull routine once he was single again. The construction gigs were great during the summer, but winter was a lot slower, so he was still on a tight budget. He’d figured out that first season that he’d better save a lot during the summer so he had something to live off of during the winter. All in all though, he knew the money wasn’t the source of his slowly growing misery. He was lonely and no amount of time he spent hanging out with the few friends he made through work made that better. He missed his family. What he really wanted was to go home. And that shithole apartment he lived his sure as hell wasn’t home. Home was a sweet old lady with homemade dinner and a soft smile. Home was roughhousing with his brothers on a Saturday afternoon. Home was bright blue eyes and a rare smile he lived to see. He wanted to go home, but he knew he couldn’t.


	5. Returns

Bobby didn’t really date after Carol, unless you would consider one night stands as “dates”. Then a call from Jack stopped his heart cold. He told him Jerry had contacted him and told him Ma had died. That she’d been killed. Something about a robbery. Jack sounded beside himself, but was apparently functioning enough that he was already on a bus and on his way to Detroit to meet Jerry.

Bobby had hung up the phone, thrown some clothes and necessities into a bag and was in his car, driving back to Detroit as fast as he could given the snowy weather. He didn’t bother to call work. He didn’t bother to settle anything with his apartment, even though he wasn’t sure how long he would be gone. Someone had taken away his Ma and he was going back to put together what was left of his home. He couldn’t believe how bad he had fucked up there. He should’ve been there with her. But he couldn’t think of that now and drive safely. He had to get home.

Winter weather in Detroit wasn’t something new to him and the end of November was always cold as all hell. Hell it wasn’t like it was any warmer in Lansing. But somehow, it seemed colder here now. He met Jerry and Jack in front of the Church before the funeral. Jerry was his usual self, but when Jack hugged him, it seemed a little stiff and forced to him. He wondered if Jack was still harboring a grudge towards him for having left. He thought that again when Jack sat on the other side of Jerry during the funeral rather than beside Bobby. But when Jack was falling apart during the eulogy, it was Bobby who went up and gently urged him back to his seat and closed down the funeral. And just like always, Jack let Bobby lead, so he thought maybe they could just slide back into their old familiarity with no more bumps. But then Jack rode back to Jerry’s house with Jerry and his family instead of Bobby, so he wasn’t so sure.

When he arrived at Jerry’s he parked down the street and started walking towards the house. Jerry was out front chatting casually with a group of older women, some of whom Bobby recognized as other social workers that had worked with Ma. He figured the rest were friends or coworkers of her as well. Glancing around, he noticed Jack standing across the street by himself, smoking a cigarette. He seemed like he was just kind of barely holding himself together and looked all kinds of tense. Bobby also noticed the car with the cops in it. That must be Green keeping tabs still. The force ought to have him out looking for the fuckers that shot Ma instead of watching us, he thought to himself. He moved over across the street to where Jack was and stood beside him to make sure he was okay. And just because he couldn’t help himself and slid his hand up and ran his fingers through that hair again, keeping it as brotherly as possible, before resting it on his shoulder. He was still a little shocked that Jack was actually a little taller than he was. He always seemed like the small, fragile one.

“You okay, man?” Jackie didn’t say anything or even look up at him, just nodded, eyes still cast downwards. He looked broken to Bobby. “You sure?” Bobby didn’t think so, but Jack just gave the same response. “I love you, man.” He did too. More than Jack even knew. That one seemed to break through though, because Jack finally looked up at Bobby with a watery smile. The two headed back over the Jerry’s. Bobby wanted to see Jerry’s kids because the last time he’d seen them, the youngest had been in diapers still. He laughed when Jerry reminded him for what must’ve been the millionth time in their lives about “The Tree House Incident”. He was squatting down with Jack talking quietly with the girls when Green and his partner, some white guy Bobby didn’t recognize, decided to show face. Green was making some show about letting him do his job and not to interfere. Oh yeah. That was gonna happen. He knew all too well how good cops were at their job. And that wasn’t very. Jack even started falling back into his old habits, sticking close with Bobby and following his lead. He even rode back to Ma’s house with him, instead of with Jerry again. And when Angel wound up being there, he seemed to relax even more.

Bobby directed Angel and Jack to their old rooms, opting to take Ma’s just because he knew that would be the hardest room for anyone one to be in and if anyone deserved to have that shoved in their face it was him. He actually broke down crying. He cried harder than he ever remembered crying before, even as a kid. He just felt like a huge chunk of his soul had just been ripped away from him when he’d first gotten the call and looking at all of her things just felt like salt in the open wound. He decided he couldn’t stay in the room long, so he cleaned up his face, making sure to hide the traces of tears as best he could before stepping out of the room. He heard Jack strumming lightly on that guitar so he went there. He sat on the floor by Jack’s bed, teasing him lightly, but Jack seemed okay with it. He even joked back a little. It seemed like just being near Jack was a salve on that wound in his soul. Jerry came up as well. They all got a good laugh at Angel’s poor attempt to hide his wanting to go check up on the crazy bitch down the road. He felt way more at ease there and actually wound up sitting on that floor talking idly with Jack for several hours after the other two left. He was still there when Angel snuck “La Vida” in but for once didn’t call him on it. It could wait ‘till morning.

As much as he wanted to be close to Jack again like they used to be, that kind of closeness still had a lot of warning flags all over the place for Bobby. So he kept close to Jack, but teased him even more than he ever had while living here. As if that could keep Jack at arm’s length. And it seemed to be working. Jack stuck close and followed Bobby’s lead all through their own “investigation into Ma’s death. He was a little bit worried about pulling that fire stunt he’d pulled with Jack’s old dealer. He wasn’t sure how Jack would handle it, but he kept it together just fine. He was fairly useful other times too, which actually surprised Bobby. He guessed that all that time Jack had spent as a kid being aware of so many faces in his life came handy since he was the one that would pick up on exactly who they were looking for whenever they were looking for someone. Observant little fucker. And good with computers which was helpful in that lawyer’s place since Bobby didn’t really know shit about them. Through it all, though, he only let Jack get so close again. He stayed focused on Ma; kept that anger boiling inside so he didn’t think about Jack. It was safer that way.

That night when they did find Ma’s shooters was the one time he was really worried about how Jack was handling things. He’d damn near broken down right there in the street and it took some stern orders from Bobby to get him moving. He was absolutely quiet the whole way back home which actually worried Bobby more than the near-breakdown had. Jack went straight up to his room without a word when they got home. Bobby wanted to follow right away, but felt Jack needed some time too. So he waited a couple hours before going up. When he got to the room he found Jack just standing in front of the open window smoking. The room was freezing and Jack’s finger tips were starting to turn blue, so Bobby figured he must’ve been standing there awhile. He moved over slowly and closed the window, startling Jack out of his reverie. 

“You know we had to, right?” Jack just nodded in response. Bobby let him off the hook this time, deciding to just get him into bed and let him rest instead. That night he was pretty sure he heard a muffled scream coming from Jack’s room, but when he got there, Jack was already awake and sitting on the side of the bed. He insisted his was fine, but both he and Angel, who must’ve heard as well since he was standing in the hall outside his own door, knew better. Bobby hoped that he hadn’t been the cause of Jack’s nightmares this time, but thought he probably was and that hurt. So again, Bobby let him off the hook. He’d been through enough tonight and he didn’t need Bobby and Angel dragging anything more out of him. Bobby wasn’t sure he could take it if Jack confirmed that thought, anyway.

When Angel shared with him the possibility of Jerry being in the mix with everything that went down with Ma, Bobby was so mad he could spit bullets. He could tell that his volatile mood was started to put Jack on edge, but he couldn’t help it this time. Jack’s feelings would have to wait. He’d deal with Jerry first, then settle Jack. They decided to confront Jerry at home about the whole insurance thing. He was primed and ready to fight when Jerry got there and was hardly even aware of the very nervous Jack sitting on the couch. He didn’t even notice when Jack got up and answered the door. He didn’t notice Jack was gone at all until he heard the gunshots. Through the whole shoot out, though, Jack was the only thing he thought about. It was the first fight ever, with fists or weapons, when he ever remembered being truly afraid. He was scared to death that he was losing Jack. He kept hearing Jack screaming for him and it hurt that he couldn’t get to him. He couldn’t put his hands on him and make it alright. He was supposed to protect Jack and he was fucking up on such a royal scale.

When he finally ran out of bullets, he picked up a chunk of brick that had been blasted from his mother’s house and pounded one guys face into pulp with it. When the last shooter was taken care of, Bobby was at Jack’s side the next second. Jack wasn’t screaming anymore. He couldn’t for the blood in his mouth. Bobby had never felt so helpless. He screamed for an ambulance. He begged Jack to hang on. He begged him not to die. And Bobby didn’t beg for anything. He cried in front of his brothers, La Vida, hell everyone who was starting to gather outside their doors in the neighborhood. And Bobby didn’t cry in front of anyone. Ever. But this was Jack he was losing here. The one person he really didn’t think he could survive losing. He felt another huge and vital chunk of his soul being ripped away. He would beg or cry until he wasn’t capable of doing either anymore if it might just keep Jack with him a little longer. He didn’t even notice when Angel left for a few moments. He didn’t find out until later that one of the gunmen was still alive in the van. Angel made him talk and name Victor Sweet. 

Jack was still sputtering blood when the ambulance arrived. Angel and Jerry both had to pull Bobby off of Jack so the paramedics could do their job. The medics didn’t stay on the street with Jack long. They had him loaded into the ambulance and were down the road in only a few minutes. Through it all, Bobby just kept hearing Jack’s screams for him echoing in his head. He needed to be at the hospital with Jack, but the stupid police kept him at the scene. Goddamned cops and their goddamned questions. Though at least all that talking was informative. Green was on their side apparently. And he was gonna deal with the rat cop bastard. Bobby was willing to let him; Green was probably just going to arrest Fowler, but that was okay. Bobby knew just how well cops are received in prison. It was several hours before the brothers were allowed to leave for the hospital. Before they would even know if Jack was alive. Maybe he was crazy, but Bobby didn’t think he was dead. His own heart was still beating and he was pretty sure his would stop when Jack’s did. So he told himself Jack was still alive. He made himself believe it.

Jerry drove them all to the hospital in his now beat-up Volvo. They wanted to see Jack right away, but there was a hold up at the nurse’s station at the ER. They apparently needed some proof of kinship before giving them any information on Jack’s status. Bobby was strangely reminded of that mall cop who had Angel all those years ago. It almost seemed like a lifetime. But while he could look back at that with some humor, there wasn’t anything funny about this. After about 20 minutes of convincing the clerk and the charge nurse of their family relationship, they were finally informed that Jack was in surgery still. So Bobby and his brothers spent the next several hours in the waiting room doing just that. None of them were particularly good at the waiting game and by the time they were called back and directed to Jack’s room, the staff there were more than ready to be done with the whole group. 

Bobby led the charge up to the ICU doors, barely keeping himself contained not to run. He had to see Jack. He had to put his hands on him and make sure he was really still here. He’d let him down so badly. He had to know he’d get the chance to make it up to him. 

When the nurses finally let them in, they would only let one at a time. Bobby won the scuffle to see who the first one would be so he pushed his way through the main door. Of course it was distinctly possible that the other two let him win. When he made it to Jack’s room, though to Bobby it looked more like a fish bowl since the whole front of it was glass so the nurses could see everything at a glance, he felt like his feet were suddenly nailed to the floor. He swallowed the huge lump in his throat and looked Jack over. Jack looked like he was dead. He was all pale, paler than usual, and had tubes running out all over. There was a tube in his throat that was hooked to a machine for his breathing. There were tubes coming out from various veins to other machines that were pumping drugs and fluids into him. There were wires hooked up to him so they could monitor his heart, to make sure it was still beating. Life support. That’s what it was…his brother was on fuckin’ life support. And it was his fault he was there. When he was finally able to move, he crept up quietly to the bedside, just looking at him because as much as he wanted to, he was afraid to touch him. Jack looked so fragile lying there, like he might break if Bobby did touch him. The bullet wound Bobby remembered seeing as bright red on his chest when Jack was laying the snow was covered now by a neat piece of gauze. What startled Bobby was that his left leg was elevated up in some sort of painful looking brace thing with stitches running down his thigh into a heavily wrapped bandage around the knee. His other leg had a patch of gauze taped to the outside of his thigh. He hadn’t even noticed his legs had been hurt when he was on street.

Bobby looked over at Jack’s nurse questioningly as she was standing on the other side of the bed. “What’s with his legs? I thought he was shot in the chest?”

The nurse, a middle aged woman with short graying hair and glasses whose name tag read Barbara looked up from the IV pump she was adjusting to answer. “Mr. Mercer, your brother was shot 5 times. That chest injury was certainly the most serious, but was fairly easily fixed in surgery.” She moved over gesturing to the wounds as she spoke and explained what was going on. “Another entered in the lower right side of his torso just over his hip, but he was pretty lucky with that. It didn’t hit anything major and his surgeon, Dr. Mitchell, decided to just leave it there.” Bobby looked up, concerned that these so-called medical professionals would just leave a bullet in his brother. The nurse held up her hand in a placating gesture, “Don’t worry. It isn’t going to hurt him being there. It would do more damage to cut him open to dig out the bullet, so sometimes the bullet is left in.” 

She moved on to the wounded legs. “Now one bullet just tore through the right thigh, so that was stitched up easily enough, there shouldn’t be any long term issues there either, but the other leg is a problem. That was why he was in surgery so long. The doctor removed one bullet from his thigh. Again he was pretty lucky because it just missed his femoral artery, that’s the main vessel in the leg, but it did do some serious damage to his thigh muscle. Dr. Mitchell was able to repair it, though he’ll need some physical therapy to get the muscle working again. Now the knee was tough. That bullet pretty much tore his whole knee apart. There isn’t much we can do about that right now. Once the swelling goes down, though, he’ll need to go in for another surgery to put that back together. He may need a full knee replacement there, but we won’t be able to tell that yet. The doctor will be able to let you know more details about that later.” 

When she was finished with her report, she walked around the bed and patted Bobby on the arm. He must’ve looked pretty upset or something because people didn’t tend to want to comfort him. “Don’t worry so much. All in all, he’s actually doing very well. I expect he’ll be awake within the next 2 days, so they’ll be able to take that tube out of his throat. Then he’ll be able to talk and tell you he’s okay himself.”

“So he’ll be fine? He’s gonna be okay?” He refused to acknowledge how weak his voice sounded just then. Barbara smiled at him again, “Barring anything unforeseen, yes, he’ll be okay. Don’t get me wrong, though. These are still some serious wounds. He’s not going to be back home running around next week. He still has at least one other surgery for that knee not to mention the physical therapy he’ll need for a while so we can get him walking again.” Bobby nodded. None of that really mattered. Jack was gonna be okay. He was gonna live. He was gonna be back home with him. 

After the nurse left the room, Bobby stood there for a while just watching Jack sleep, though it was probably more of a drugged out unconscious state rather than sleep. After some time had passed, Bobby didn’t know how much, Barbara came back in and reminded him that his brothers wanted to come back too. Bobby nodded stiffly and stepped quietly and slowly from the room and out of the unit. He updated Jerry and Angel on everything the nurse told him and slumped down tiredly in a chair while his brothers took their turn visiting Jack. Jerry told him that Jack’s surgeon had been out to the waiting area and had explained the same things to them. That it was basically waiting for the time being.

Now that the fear had abated some after seeing Jack alive and breathing as it were, Bobby’s anger began to bubble up. Oh Sweet was so dead. He was going to make that bastard suffer for what he did to Jack. For what he did to Ma. Bobby glanced up at his brothers, seeing them sitting in plastic chairs just like his own. He saw the hard lines of rage on their faces which he was sure matched his own. If killing Ma was a fighting offense, attacking Jack was an act of all-out war. And if it was war Sweet wanted, it was war the Mercer’s would give him. Sweet was going to die. He could see that in Angel’s and Jerry’s faces just as he was certain it was on his own. He was shocked after a while when he noticed Sofi had been at Angel’s side the whole time. And not a peep from her. Maybe she was a better woman than he gave her credit for.

When they finally went back home, well Jerry’s home since Ma’s was shot all to hell, the whole group was completely exhausted. Bobby figured he’d have to do some work there before they could stay in it with the cold air just blowing in through all the damned holes in the walls. Angel and Sofi got the guest room and Bobby just pretty much crashed out on the couch right where he sat.

That next morning they got more bad news. Green had apparently been shot in the parking lot of some bar. The police report put it down as a random shooting from some gang banger according to what that rat Fowler had reported. The brothers damn well knew better. They’d have to work dealing with Fowler into their plans now too. On top of everything else with Ma, the fucker took out the one decent cop the fucking city had. He wrote his own sentence as far as Bobby was concerned. And Jerry and Angel agreed.

At the hospital, the day nurses were a little more strict with the visiting time. They did allow all three brothers to come back, but only let them in the room for 15 minutes. Jack still hadn’t woken up. Bobby was still afraid to touch. He wanted desperately on one hand for Jack to open those blue eyes and look at him. On the other hand though, Bobby knew that if Jack were awake he’d be in a world of pain and Bobby didn’t want Jack to be in any pain at all. He’d had enough pain in this life. He shouldn’t have to go through this shit too.

When they were rushed from the room, the three men made their way back to Ma’s to survey the damage, or so they told Jerry’s wife. Jerry told him it was best that she know as little as possible, and Bobby couldn’t agree more. “La Vida” insisted on staying right there with Angel though. Of course that was just as well. She might be able to help. So they worked out their plan and it all sounded like it just might work. Bobby couldn’t be more grateful that Jerry really was with them. No way were he and Angel smart enough for this. Jerry always was the conniver, and this just proved it.

Their little plan went down perfectly. Rats were always paranoid and Fowler was no exception. He’d put himself down with a little suicide by cop move. Of course the other cops still took Angel into custody. Sweet’s men were just too willing to be rid of him. Seemed like Jerry had been right about that one. Bobby had had his doubts about it before and wasn’t sure if that little crucial bit was gonna work out. But sure as shit it did. Guess Jerry and his Union talk was right: you gotta treat your workers right. So when Bobby finally made it to the little group meeting on the ice, and damn that was one long cold walk in nothing but a thin shirt, no one was left standing on Sweet’s side. Not that he felt how cold it was at the time. No, he was way too pissed off to notice something like a little cold weather. 

He’d beaten Sweet to death on that ice. The fucker had been dead before they tossed his sorry ass into that watery grave. Sweet’s blood smeared across Bobby’s hands felt better than he would like to admit. It was proof he hadn’t let Ma and Jack down completely. But all the same he washed off every trace of blood once they were back at Jerry’s. And apparently none too soon since the cops showed up just as he finished drying those hands off. They took in both he and Jerry. Apparently Angel was already in a room. During the less than legal interrogation, Bobby couldn’t help himself and gave the cop some taunt about fucking his wife. That one always got a pig riled and it was kinda fun to watch this one’s face get all red. Apparently his brothers thought the same thing, so at least there was one thing to laugh about from this day. Even Camille was less pissed with them than he thought she would be given the bruises on Jerry’s face. But hey, he was still breathin’ and he told her as much. 

As he glanced between the images of Camille looking after Jerry and Sofi with Angel, Bobby felt a twinge of sadness. He wondered idly if Carol would have been so compassionate with him. But then the next thought that entered his mind was that he didn’t want Carol to be the one at his side now anyway. Jack should be there fussing over him, even though Bobby would call him a fairy for it. It struck him that he really couldn’t imagine being that close to anyone but Jack. He pushed that thought aside and rounded his brothers and their women out of the police station. 

After a stop by Jerry’s to clean up, only because Camille insisted he should wash up before being seen in public like that, they were back at the hospital stationed in that ICU waiting area. The doctor came out and informed them that the swelling in Jack’s knee had come down significantly so they were going in for surgery first thing in the morning. Jack hadn’t quite woken up yet, but they were still allowed to go in to see him. They spent as much time as they could in Jack’s room before being shooed away by his nurse for the day. Jerry and Angel listened to the nurse’s advice that they should just go home to rest and come back tomorrow. Bobby wasn’t having any of that. He insisted, quite loudly, that he was staying right there. 

He did, too. Barbara, the nurse Bobby remembered from the night before, even let him stay the night in a chair by Jack’s bed. For once in his life Bobby stayed quiet and out of the way, but this was only so she wouldn’t toss him out. He’d take whatever time he could near Jack, even though Jack hadn’t woken yet. Bobby didn’t get much sleep in that chair, and it wasn’t just because the damned thing was so uncomfortable or the room so cold. He was afraid that if he slept too long he might miss something. Every now and then Jack looked like he was starting to wake a little. His face would scrunch up and he would shift a little. He looked like he was in pain and probably was. But bless that Barbara she was always there with a needle of something in his IV and Jack would settle back down. Bobby was gonna have to buy her some flowers or something.

The next morning early, Barbara pushed Bobby back out to the waiting room before the day nurses came in so he went down and got a breakfast of some coffee and nicotine. Not long after that, the nurses called Bobby back in to sign some papers for Jack’s surgery. Later that morning Angel and Jerry showed up, but Jack was already back in the OR. He was in surgery just long enough for Bobby to be getting primed and ready to go through those double doors to find him himself, before a nurse came out and informed the brothers that Jack was back in his ICU room. When they got up to the room, Bobby didn’t think he looked any different. The knee was still braced and bandaged, but apparently they had been able to repair it. The doctor said they hadn’t need to replace the joint after all, but he would need a lot of physical therapy to get it working properly and that by the time Jack was 40, he’d probably need that replacement. But for now, he’d gotten all Jack’s original parts back together.

That afternoon, the brothers took a break from the hospital to survey the damage to the house. There was certainly plenty of work needing to be done there, but nothing they couldn’t do themselves. So a pattern set in for the next couple days. Bobby spent the day working on the house, a couple hours in the evening to eat some dinner and shower at Jerry’s, and his nights in the hospital at Jack’s side. One evening Father Rossi showed up to pray for Jack. Bobby didn’t mind and even prayed with. Afterwards the good Father lectured him sternly about his behavior yet again but made sure Bobby knew to call him if he needed to. On the third day, they called off the work on the house early because the hospital called. Jack was awake. 

When Bobby made it to Jack’s bedside again, he’d never seen anything as beautiful as Jack’s blue eyes looking back at him, even slightly pinched from obvious pain. But then those eyes clouded over and tears spilled down like rain. “Bobby…Bobby I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…I fucked up, I know…I’m sorry.” Bobby couldn’t stand the distress in the rough sounding voice. He almost didn’t sound like Jack. Almost. But Bobby would always be able to tell it was Jack. He was at Jack’s side in 2 steps and hushing him quietly the next moment. He reached over and grabbed Jack’s face to make him look back at Bobby wiping the tears from his face with his thumbs “Hey now, none of that, sweetheart. My own damn fault for not paying attention.” He wouldn’t dare let Jack take on that guilt. At least not right now. Maybe Bobby would throw it back at him later, when Jack was better. And they were old and gray in the nursing home together. 

“You don’t worry about none of that now. Just get better.” He reached a hand up and ruffled Jack’s messy hair. “Ya scared the shit outta me, ya little fairy. The rest of the family too.” Seeing another apology forming on Jack’s lips, he hushed him up again. Jack reached up and grabbed on to one of Bobby’s hands and just held on like his life depended on it. Not that Bobby minded one bit. After a nurse came by and gave Jack some more pain medicine, though, that grip relaxed and Bobby was able to let himself quietly out of the room without waking him. 

The nurse told him on his way out, that Jack would probably be moved to a regular room the next day, since he was doing so well. Bobby was glad to hear that. No more dealing with the Nazi Nursing Corp of the Intensive Care and their visiting hours. He told Jerry and Angel that Jackie had been awake for a bit, but was back asleep. Of course they went in anyway, but neither had the heart to wake him up. Bobby guessed they thought Jack looked as bad as he thought. 

Bobby still spent the night next to Jack’s bed in that uncomfortable chair. He’d been somewhat hopeful that Jack would be more comfortable, but it seemed like Jack would only sleep for a couple hours before he would wake up with a gasp and look around the room with big, frightened eyes. He would grasp onto Bobby’s hand like a lifeline until he was able to drift off to sleep again. His nurse told Bobby that it was probably because they were having a hard time managing his pain. The drug use he’d defeated back in high school was coming back to haunt him. Seems his tolerance for opiates was so high, they were having to use different drugs that just weren’t as effective.

That next morning, Bobby stayed with Jack just long enough to make sure he ate at least a little of his breakfast. He didn’t harp on him the way he usually would, but he was hardly gonna just sit there and let Jackie not eat at all. So he watched Jack slowly eat half of the rubbery looking eggs and a little plastic cup of juice. While Jack ate, Bobby updated him on the progress of the house repairs. Jack was pretty quiet most of the time giving short responses only every now and then. His behavior was reminding Bobby of how he was when they first met. Bobby guessed it could be worse. Angel had said that first year before Bobby was even back home was the worst of it. 

“Angel’s gonna be by later this afternoon to see you for a bit. He’s gotta head back to base tomorrow. Seems like he’s maxed out his leave or whatever.” Jack’s head snapped up at that.

“What about you? When will you be leaving?” Bobby looked a little shocked at the intensity in Jack’s eyes when he asked.

“You tryin’ to get rid of me?” He said with a bit of a smirk trying to lighten the mood. But Jack didn’t seem to be going for it; he just stared back with a half scared look that Bobby couldn’t stand to see there. “Ah hell, Jackie, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Gonna hang around here…take care of your skinny ass. Okay? So don’t you worry ‘bout that.”

Jack stared at Bobby for a few moments more, a distrusting look in his eyes that Bobby didn’t like one bit. He never wanted Jack to think he couldn’t believe Bobby. It was that moment that he resolved in his own mind that he really was staying. As long as Jackie wanted him around, he was staying, as dangerous as he knew that was. He reached over and ruffled Jack’s hair fondly. “I mean it Jackie. You’re gonna be stuck with me for a long while.”

Jack seemed to lean into the touch a bit and finally smiled softly back. “I’m gonna hold you to that, Bobby.” Bobby had a sudden flash back to that moment by the car after confronting Jack’s dealer. Looking into Jack’s eyes made him feel like Jack was the only person on Earth that mattered. Oh yeah…this was dangerous alright. More dangerous than confronting Sweet ever could’ve been. But Bobby would be damned before he was walking away again. So instead he left Jack’s hospital room and headed back to Ma’s house to work on some more repairs. He had to get this place livable again so he could bring Jackie home.

Angel was already there by the time he got to the house and had already started some of the work. The two of them worked pretty quietly through the chilly morning until lunch. Then Angel headed back over to the hospital to say his goodbyes to Jack while Bobby stayed to get some more work done before he’d have to leave too. Only so many daylight hours and so much to do. He couldn’t believe those assholes did so much damage to the house.

The days after Angel left seemed to go a little slower. Bobby missed his easy going, good natured conversation while they worked, but La Vida didn’t hang around anymore without Angel around so that was a plus. Plus it was an extra set of hands. Jerry was coming over to help as much as he could, but he did have family obligations. And Camille, bless her, even made a point to drop in with the girls to see Jack every day. Jack got settled into a slightly nicer room. Well…nicer might be pushing it. It was not in the ICU, but he wasn’t in a private room anymore either. The first couple nights really sucked ‘cause there was some crazy old guy that just lay in bed mumbling loudly all the time. And Bobby was pretty sure that it was all the time too. That meant neither was getting much sleep there. And just when Bobby was pretty certain the old guy was getting tossed out the window that night, he arrived to the room to blissful silence. Ah the luck…some old guy that never talked got transferred over from the nursing home. Bobby was pretty sure they both slept more that night than any other.

And so the days over the next 2 weeks settled in pretty routinely. Bobby got the repairs done on the house, though furniture was still lacking. He and Jerry put together a bit of money for an old couch to go in the living room and Jerry gave an extra television set. Jack was gonna need something to do during the day. His shoulder was still pretty sore, so Bobby didn’t figure he’d be able to play his guitar that much. Everything else would just have to wait a bit.   
   
The nights he spent at the hospital seemed to be bringing them close together again. Bobby was even laying off some of the worst of the gay jabs. Seemed kinda hypocritical anyway considering how often he was thinking of Jack in a not-so-brotherly sort of way. Jack’s physical therapy had started in the hospital, too, so by the evenings he was pretty wiped. Camille had started sending Bobby to the hospital with a plate a “real food” as she called it so he was there when Jackie had dinner and could make sure he ate it. The boy really couldn’t stand to lose any weight and he made sure he let Jackie know that. Of course those comments were usually responded to with a finger in the air. All in all though, Jackie seemed to be getting better, physically anyway. And on day 24 of his hospital stay, the doctor’s finally let him go. At 10:30 that evening, antibiotic and pain medicine prescriptions filled and in his coat pocket, Bobby and Jerry got to load Jack up in the Volvo and bring him back to Ma’s house. 

By that time, Jack was able to get around pretty well. His arm wasn’t in a sling anymore and he was moving pretty well with one crutch. He still needed a hand with getting up the stairs and getting in an out of the tub for showers. Jack still had a lot of sutures in that knee that couldn’t be wet. But Bobby was there to help, just as he promised. The showers were the worst. Helping to haul a naked, wet Jack out of the tub was hardly helping his notion to repress all those feelings. How much was he supposed to take anyway? Bobby hoped Jack was taking his tense quiet for just embarrassment of having to handle a naked man like that. The truth was, more often than not he was wanting to run his hands over more of Jack’s slick skin during that time, but he did manage to control himself. If Jack noticed anything off during those times, he never said anything.

They spent Christmas day at Jerry’s with the family, which all told was nice. Wasn’t as nice as Christmas with Ma, though. But they managed to make sure it was a happy occasion. Kinda hard not to with the two enthusiastic little girls running around excitedly with their new toys. That took the sting out a first Christmas without Ma, which even though Bobby would never say so out loud, he was so grateful for. Even Jack seemed to be pulled out of the sad mood he’d been in that morning when they’d first woken up just as soon as Daniela had run up and dragged her “Uncle Cracka Jack” off to see her new doll house. And Jack with all his patience, not to mention sweet nature, let her. He even sat and played with her for a bit. And even though Bobby had laid off the gay jokes, no way was he letting Jack get away with playing with dolls and not say something. So there was a bit of good natured name calling and joke cracking.

Now that Jack was able to get around the house just fine, Bobby figured it really was time that he got a job. Hell any job would do, so long as it paid enough to feed them and keep the lights and gas on. At least the house was paid for, so rent wasn’t an issue. But they still had to eat and winter was gonna get awfully damned cold with no heat. The hospital bills didn’t even really enter into the equation. Bobby figured they were so high, he and Jack would never get them paid off, so what did it matter to try? He never even paused to wonder that he was already tying his future to Jack’s. It didn’t even occur to him that he shouldn’t be responsible for Jack’s hospital bills or even daily things like Jack would be there at home waiting for him with dinner ready when he got there. 

It just so happened that 2 days after spending Christmas day with Jerry, that Bobby got a call from Father Rossi asking him to come over to the recreation center where he used to coach him in hockey. When he got there, Father Rossi was already starting to coach a set of kids on the ice. Now Bobby could swear he was never that little, but Rossi just laughed when he voiced that thought. Then came the shock. Father Rossi explained that he was getting ready to retire from his coaching. Not that he didn’t like it, he was just “too damned old for it” in his own words. He needed somebody to take over the job for him. It didn’t pay great, it was through the church, after all, but it would feed them. Bobby was shocked, not just that a job was falling into his lap just when he needed it, but that the church would let him take it, what with his record and all. But apparently Father Rossi had more sway than he ever let on, and Bobby was hired.

And sure enough, the two settled into a nice routine. Bobby went to work at a supposed 8-5 schedule at the community center, which was really more like whenever he needed to come in until however late he was there finishing up. It generally added up to more than 40 hours a week and doing more than just coach a bunch of kids to play hockey, but he found he really was enjoying working with the kids there. After Father Rossi had walked him through the daily tasks he kind of settled into the job easily. Maybe he was a little more suited to working with kids anyway, because he really didn’t seem to lose his temper nearly as much as he was afraid of; maybe it had something to do with his background. Making the job even better, was coming home and finding Jack there. Sometimes he’d cooked something for dinner and just finishing up when Bobby got him. Other evenings he was up in his room, quietly playing his guitar so they’d just order pizza. Fridays they would have a few beers at the bar, Sundays, after Mass, he and Jack had dinner with Jerry’s family. All in all, Bobby was thinking life was pretty good. Even if he did have dreams of coming home in the evenings and fucking Jack on the dining room table. Bobby was still hell bent on repression though, so he’d just wake up and take care of his morning hard on in the shower, trying not to think of Jack’s blue eyes while he did it.

Of course, being a Mercer, life wasn’t going to let him just be content with that. Some days Bobby was edgier and tenser than usual, and he would find himself snapping at Jack more than he should. Most of it was from being so close to Jack and yet not able to be as close as he really wanted. Sometimes he thought he should just go pick up some chick and get laid, but he was having a hard time seeing that. He didn’t want to fuck some nameless broad. He wanted Jack and in the end, all the repression in the world couldn’t keep him from recognizing that. It certainly didn’t help that sometimes he would catch Jackie staring at him, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d swear it was the same kind of expression Bobby was certain was on his own face when he let himself stare at Jack. Only Bobby was pretty certain he was better at not getting caught at the staring part.

Bobby knew he was gonna need to do something. As far as he was concerned, though, pinning Jack against the wall and having his way with him wasn’t an option. So he decided the nameless broad was just gonna have to do the trick. He was still a guy after all, and maybe getting laid would remind him he didn’t really wanna fuck his brother. Maybe it would remind him just how sick that thought was. So on one of those Fridays at the bar after a couple shots of whiskey, he started sipping a beer and finally let himself look around from what had become their customary corner table. There was a blonde at the bar who kept cutting her eyes towards them so he met her eyes a few times. The grin she gave him in return let him know she was game so he just smirked at Jack who was shaking his head at him with a little grin too and made his way over. The leading conversation wasn’t nearly as tedious as Bobby was expecting. The woman was surprisingly blunt and apparently after the same thing he was. 

He turned around to make sure Jack was gonna be good to get home on his own, only to see an empty table. He wondered idly if Jack had already left and glanced around not seeing him, but that really didn’t seem like Jack. Must be in the head, he thought to himself. He decided to kill a bit more time to wait for Jack to come out, but that didn’t seem to be happening. Again Bobby had to wonder if he’d already left. After about 10 minutes, the blonde was starting to look a little impatient. “C’mon Bobby…your brother looks like a big boy. I’m sure he knows his way home.” Bobby almost snapped at her for dismissing Jack like that, but he had enough instinct to know that doing that would not do him any favors in the getting laid department. So he decided to just check the bathroom before heading out with the chick.

When he stepped in the bathroom, his vision swam in red. Two guys were standing on either side of Jack who was pinned face first against the opposite wall, one of them holding Jack’s right arm at a twisted angle behind his back in an obviously painful grip. There was a necktie coming around the back of his head and knotted in back, obviously a gag, since Bobby could hear muffled sounds coming from Jack. Not that Jack was just standing there passively, he just couldn’t get much leverage with the guy holding his arm back the way he was. The other guy was holding Jack’s wallet, riffling through it.

At the sound of the door opening, the guy holding the wallet turned sharply around. “Shit! You forgot to lock it, Al!” Bobby figured it was probably because he spoke that this guy got his full attention first. He did take enough time to note that Jack had at least gotten one good shot it: there was blood dripping from the guy’s nose. In 2 steps, Bobby had crossed the room and dealt a right hook straight to the guy’s jaw and just followed him down, throwing well-aimed punches all the way. Once he was sure that the guy wasn’t getting back up he turned to deal with the other one, idly wondering why he hadn’t jumped in already. When he turned he saw the guy crumpled on the floor in that telltale fetal position every guy takes after a sharp blow to the balls. Jack was leaned against the wall, holding his injured knee, face twisted in obvious pain, the gag already spit out onto the floor. 

“Jack, shit, you okay?” Bobby moved over to him helping to hold him upright. There was a cut above Jack’s eye with some bruising starting to form around it, probably from his face getting slammed into the wall, from the look of the smeared blood. 

“Yeah…’bout time you showed up.” Jack’s voice sounded tight with pain, so Bobby figured that blow to the balls must’ve come from an impact from a not-quite-healed knee. He looked Jack over one more time. “Okay then…let’s get you outta here and back home…” Bobby stooped down and recovered Jack’s fallen wallet. He gave a few more kicks to the still conscious one on the floor, after all, they didn’t need him following them out. Just for the hell of it, he decided to take both their wallets. They walked out of the bar, Jack leaning heavily on Bobby’s shoulder, the blonde still waiting at the bar completely forgotten from Bobby’s mind.

They were halfway home when Jack looked over at Bobby from the passenger seat of the latest beat up old car Bobby had acquired. “That chick ain’t gonna be pissed at you?”

“Ah shit, Jackie!” Bobby couldn’t believe he’d actually forgotten about her. Just seemed that once he saw Jack in that bathroom, all he could think about was getting him back home safely, where Bobby could look after him. “So much for getting laid tonight,” he muttered sourly. He heard Jack chuckle softly from his side of the car, but let it pass.

Once they were back to the house, Bobby helped Jack to the living room couch. Jack was trying to insist that he was okay, but Bobby could tell he could hardly even put his weight on it, much less walk. “You think we oughta get it checked out…take a trip to the emergency room or something?” 

“I’m fine, Bobby…really. You shouldn’t worry about me so much. Hell, I think I’ve ruined your night enough, don’t you?” Bobby looked down at Jack, who had his head laid back with his eyes closed, his face set in a way that showed he was in pain.

Bobby just shook his head and went out to the kitchen and filled a back with some ice. He wrapped it in a dish towel and brought it out to where Jack was still sitting on the couch, his leg stretched out before him, along with a warm, wet cloth. “Let’s get your pants off so we can have a look at that knee.” He plopped down on the other end of the couch and set a pillow on his lap for Jack to raise it up on. Jack looked up at him a little puzzled, which Bobby guessed he understood. Bobby hadn’t let Jack use him as a leg rest once he’d been able to get around better. Jack just shrugged though and reached down to untie his boots. The rightt one wasn’t a problem, but bending his left knee to get to that one was a bit more tedious. Bobby caught the quiet hiss, so he pushed Jack back into his seat and leaned down to get the boot off. 

Bobby swallowed back the sudden dryness in his mouth as the pale skin of Jack’s long legs was revealed slowly. He leaned back and made himself focus on the knee Jack propped it up in his lap, taking in the slight redness and swelling that was coming up in the scarred knee. He handed the cloth over for Jack to clean some of the blood off his face. He didn’t think the cut over his eye was bad, but he’d have a closer look when it was cleaned up some. At least looking over the scars marring what should be perfection in Bobby’s eyes let him feel the comfort of anger to offset the desire rising in his chest. He made himself focus on that anger, both at the assholes that caused the primary injury and the fuckers at the bar that had done the rest. He finally set the ice carefully over the knee, content that it wasn’t in any horrible shape that required a doctor.

When he looked back over at Jack’s face to assess the damage there Bobby was a little puzzled to see Jack looking at him so warily. “What’s the matter?”

“You mad at me or something?” Jack’s voice sounded small and tense and Bobby didn’t like it one bit. “You coulda stayed with that chick, ya know…I’d have been fine to get home. I’m not completely helpless ya know…”

“Ah shit, Jack! I ain’t pissed at you. You oughta know that by now. Those two fuckers at the bar sure as hell best hope I don’t see ‘em again, though.” He rested a hand on Jack’s calf and gave it a little reassuring squeeze, the corner of his mouth twisting up in a little grin. “You know, I don’t even remember that broad’s name?” Bobby glanced back up at Jack again, the angry expression gone now, replaced by amusement. He took the moment to look at the cut over Jack’s eye now that the blood was cleared away. “You’re gonna have a bit of a shiner there, Jackie.”

Jack reached up at touched around the wound gingerly. “Betcha ten bucks Jerry thinks you did it.” The grin he sent Bobby made him feel warm all over. Yes, Bobby definitely liked a comfortable Jack over a scared one any day.

“Well, Jerry can kiss my ass. Hand me that remote. There’s gotta be something good on.” Jack handed over the television remote and leaned back in a sprawl, looking relaxed, even though he was laying there in just his boxers and a long sleeve tee shirt. Bobby flipped through channels and since there weren’t any sports games on, settled for some old black and white horror movie Jack wanted to watch. He only shifted Jack once when he went to get a couple beers from the fridge for them, otherwise felt quite comfortable with Jack’s leg stretched out over him. By the end of the movie, both men were feeling drowsy and content, though Bobby really couldn’t have said after what the movie was about. Badly made-up monsters or something.

He looked over as Jack shifted around putting both feet on the floor. “I’m gonna head on to bed, Bobby.” He stood up, keeping most of his weight on his good leg, testing his knee carefully. Bobby stood up with him, when he heard Jack hiss quietly and curse under his breath, as he limped slowly towards the stairs, still carrying his ice.

“C’mon Jackie…lemme give ya hand with those stairs.” Jack gave him a wry, slightly annoyed look, muttering something about dickheads fucking things up. Bobby just chuckled and let Jack lean on him as they made their way up the stairs slowly.

When they got to Jack’s room, Bobby was about to leave off to Ma’s room (Bobby never could think of it as his own even though it pretty much was since he’d been sleeping there for months now). Hell, he left her stuff still hanging in the closet, only having taken back a couple of the drawers in the dresser for his own clothes. Jack was looking at him and looked like he was about to say something. Bobby watched him as Jack opened his mouth to say something a couple times, even though nothing came out. Bobby felt a little uneasy standing this close to a half-dressed Jack in a bedroom for this long, but he felt frozen to the spot for some reason. 

“What is it, Jackie?” he asked softly. Jack looked at him, that wary expression that Bobby hated back in his eyes. Jack seemed to war with some thought in his head before his eyes got a steeled look that Bobby recognized as a decision set. Jack always had that look when he decided to do something that he was pretty sure one of his brothers or Ma was not gonna like, but was set on doing anyhow.

“Just don’t hate me, okay?” Jack responded softly. Before Bobby could ask what he would possibly hate him for, Jack leaned forward and kissed him hesitantly. It was an almost shy kiss, not like the drunken, relaxed kiss he had given Bobby what seemed like a lifetime ago on his graduation night. It left Bobby just as helpless to fight it though. As he felt Jack’s fingers reach up and wind into his hair, it felt so perfect he could only wonder at why he would ever fight it to begin with. When Jack pulled back to look at him, it was with that same scared expression from earlier on the couch. And Bobby knew without a doubt in his mind that if he pushed Jack away now it just might break them both and he didn’t think that they could repair that damage. He realized they’d already crossed that line that he had sworn he never would and now it was just a matter of staying the course or running away again. Bobby didn’t think he could run anymore.

So instead of running he leaned in and captured Jack’s mouth again. The kiss he gave Jack was not timid at all, even though his nerves were on end. It was a possessive, demanding kiss. He reached his hands up to either side of Jack’s face, holding him there, his tongue coming out to lick at the lips pressed against his own seeking entrance. Jack’s mouth opened against his in response, a soft moan low in his throat. Bobby felt his control slipping further away as his tongue danced against Jack’s, exploring his sweet mouth. He heard a low moan, louder this time, as Jack stepped further into his space, molding his lithe body against Bobby’s heavier frame with his arms around Bobby’s waist to pull them closer together. With some shock Bobby realized the moan he had heard had come from him. 

He let his hands stray from the sides of Jack’s face as the kiss deepened, one sliding up into the messy hair the other down and around a shoulder to pull Jack even closer to him. His jeans felt too tight and he knew that the hard press coming into his hip wasn’t from Jack’s belt buckle either given that said belt was on the living room floor with Jack’s jeans. He felt Jack tugging at his shirt and finally broke this kiss to let Jack pull it off over his head. As soon as that was done, though, he returned to kissing Jack like a starving man to food. And maybe that was exactly what he was given how long he’d wanted this. Bobby maneuvered them over to the bed, kicking his shoes off along the way. He broke the kiss again to pull Jack’s shirt off and laid him back against the covers. 

His eyes roamed over the expanse of pale, smooth skin as he shed his own jeans before carefully settling his own weight over Jack’s sprawled form mindful of the injured knee. He returned to the kiss yet again only to break away again, moaning as Jack shifted under him to bring their erections into contact with one another. Bobby buried his face into the crook of Jack’s neck, tracing wet, lingering kisses up a path upwards to nibble lightly along the shell of his ear. They found a slow rhythm sliding their hips together, separated only by the thin cotton of their boxers. Bobby thrilled at the small gasps and whimpers each thrust and kiss drew from Jack. Jack’s hands would roam up his back to clench in his hair then downwards to grasp at his ass or hip to pull him even closer. 

When he felt Jack’s hands slide under the waistband of his shorts, he lifted his hips reluctantly from Jack’s own to let him push them down. Bobby kicked the boxers the rest of the way off, somewhere into the room before reaching down to divest Jack of his. He dropped the garment to the floor, sitting back on his heels to look over the slender form spread out on the bed. At that moment, Bobby couldn’t think of anyone, not even a woman, more beautiful than Jack. He was all creamy white skin and long, graceful limbs.

“Christ Jack…you are so beautiful…” He wasn’t even aware that he had spoken aloud until he noticed the sudden shyness that seemed to come of the young man. Jack reached up to pull Bobby down into another kiss and Bobby let him, gasping at the sudden contact of their naked flesh pressed together. They found their lazy rhythm of earlier, and Bobby reveled at the electric feel of Jack’s cock against his, the sweet pleasure skin against skin. 

Bobby could tell that Jack was close to the edge when his movements became more erratic. Jack had both arms wrapped around Bobby’s waist, hands clawing down his back more roughly than before, not that Bobby minded one bit. He pulled up a bit, bearing his weight on his elbows to look at his brother’s (lover’s?) face. Jack was looking back at him, his blue eyes darkened almost black with lust, face flushed, and hair clinging damply to his forehead. Then those blue eyes closed tightly and Jack tilted his head back and keened Bobby’s name sharply. He felt Jack jerk his hips up more raggedly to meet his own and felt the hot wetness spread between them as Jack reached completion. Bobby felt that coil of heat spread further through his groin as he slid against the now slick skin under him, taking in Jack’s blissful face. Only a few thrusts later and he was joining Jack in that bliss as his own orgasm tore through him in a way that felt completely new to him. He groaned lowly, almost a growl as his movements slowed and he finally collapsed atop Jack.

He kissed lightly along Jack’s jaw line, both of them simply reveling in the pleasure of being together as they caught their breath. After a few moments, Bobby pulled back and shifted them to the side, taking his weight off of Jack, but keeping close to him. He wasn’t ready to let go, so he just trailed his fingers lightly along Jack’s soft skin. He felt so drowsy and content to stay right here in Jack’s arms and bed for the rest of his days. He’d never felt this way about any woman he’d been with before. He supposed this was what it was like to be truly in love with someone. 

Looking down at Jack with a small smile, he was almost surprised to see a look of uncertainty on Jack’s face. “What is it, sweetheart? Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked quietly. He reached up with one hand, carefully pushing a lock of hair from Jack’s face.

Jack shook his head quickly. “No no…just…that was what I was going to ask you. If you were okay with this…I didn’t expect…I…” Jack seemed at a loss for words at the moment, so Bobby leaned forward and stopped the rambling with a soft kiss, reassuring with a gesture.

“Jack, I am so okay with this. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this. God, Jack…you just don’t know…” He looked down at Jack, for once letting his emotions show through so plainly on his face. Jack was the only person in the world now that he felt remotely close to sharing his true feelings with. Hell, usually after sex, he just wanted to roll over and have a smoke before drifting off to sleep. With Jack he just wanted to curl up closer to him. “Love you more than anything, Jack. More than anything.”

“So you’re not gonna take off on me in the morning?” Jack’s expression was still guarded, cautious, and Bobby couldn’t stand that. He reached down and took Jack’s jaw firmly in hand, making him meet his eyes. He needed Jack to see the truth in his words. 

“Jack…there ain’t a force on earth that’s gonna take me from you now. You understand me? This is it for me. There ain’t anything for me after you.” It came slowly, as the words penetrated Jack’s mind, but the look of adoration on his face was worth the wait and nearly took Bobby’s breath away. Jack leaned up and took Bobby’s mouth in a passionate kiss, pulling his whole body flush against Bobby’s again, arms and legs wrapped up together. He only pulled away from their exploration when the need for oxygen made it necessary.

Bobby grinned against Jack’s mouth as he felt Jack’s cock stirring to life again, hardening against his hip. “To be fuckin’ twenty again…” he muttered affectionately. Jack’s chuckle in response quickly turned to a groan as Bobby slipped a hand slowly down his chest and belly to the hard length below. He nibbled along the younger man’s jaw, leaving a wet trail to his ear as he began a light stroking rhythm with his hand. Jack’s breath was coming in little gasps as Bobby teased him with alternating strokes of his hand. 

Bobby couldn’t help himself and pulled back a bit to watch, enthralled by Jack’s reaction to his touch. He watched little differences in Jack’s response to each change in his touch. The way Jack’s breath would hitch in his chest when Bobby ran his thumb over the head, spreading the slick liquid that collected at the tip. The flush that darkened his sweat-dampened cheeks when Bobby gripped just a little tighter. The way Jack’s hands clenched and twisted the sheets under him as Bobby’s hand would drag up the length. The blissful expression and passionate little noises Jack would make through it all. All of these things held Bobby’s rapt attention, making him want to make it just right for Jack. It felt so perfect to hold Jack like this after having wanted to please him for so long. Bobby wasn’t sure how long he’d been teasing and stroking Jack before he could see those tell-tale signs that Jack was close. He sped up the movement in his hand as Jack’s own reached up to hold onto Bobby’s arm and his hips thrust up to match the rhythm. 

When Jack’s back arched and he came in several long spurts over his own belly and Bobby’s hand, Bobby thought he’d never seen Jack look so beautiful ever before. And given how often he’d been looking Jack over lately that was saying a lot. As he watched Jack collect himself again, he traced idle patterns with his fingers in the wetness on Jack’s belly. He was a little surprised and how not squeamish he was about all of this. After all, it wasn’t like he’d ever thought of himself as gay before. Of course he couldn’t even think about being in this kind of position with anyone else, so he didn’t really think of himself as gay now. 

He was also surprised to find himself so turned on after that display. He hadn’t even noticed his own arousal while watching Jack, but now he couldn’t help but lazily rub himself against the warm skin of Jack’s hip. Jack turned his head and gave such a sweet, satisfied grin that Bobby couldn’t help but return. In the next second, he noticed Bobby’s hardness pressing insistently against him and that sweet grin turned mischievous. 

“This mean you’re twenty again?” he asked as he ran a finger lightly along the length of Bobby’s cock.

“You’re fault…what you do to me…God Jack…” Bobby answered in gasping words as Jack’s touches to his sensitive dick became firmer. Bobby barely even noticed as Jack pushed him over onto his back. He was lost in the touch of Jack’s hand, the feeling of the light, wet kisses trailing from his mouth to his chest and down his abdomen. His eyes fluttered closed for a bit only to fly open as he felt wet heat trail over the tip of his cock. He looked down to see Jack’s blue eyes watching his face, smirking even as his tongue laved across the head tasting the moisture collected there. 

“Jack…God Jack…you don’t have to…” It wasn’t that he wanted Jack to stop, hell he wasn’t at all certain his head wouldn’t just explode if Jack did stop. He just didn’t want Jack feeling like he had to do this for Bobby. He didn’t want Jack thinking he had to do anything for Bobby.

“I know Bobby…just lay back and shut up.” Jack smirked up at Bobby again, before wrapping those perfect, pink lips around his dick and began sucking, his tongue dancing over the tight skin. And damn, but Bobby hadn’t thought that tongue piercing could make it feel like that.

Bobby couldn’t tear his eyes away at first; just watching and feeling as Jack moved his mouth in that up and down motion that Bobby had seen many a woman before do. He watched, groaning as Jack took him deeper with each stroke, his blue eyes now closed in concentration. Bobby’s eyes drifted closed again in absolute pleasure as that rhythm became more and more assured. His hands kept drifting over Jack’s shoulders, clenching here and there, and up into Jack’s hair. He didn’t leave his hands on Jack’s head much, afraid that might make Jack feel forced or confined. So whenever he would realize his fingers were twisted in the silken, damp hair, he would shift his grip down to his shoulders again. 

Bobby felt like his breath was ripped right from his chest when on a down stroke, he suddenly felt the tight, hot squeeze of Jack’s throat swallowing around his cock. “Jesus…fuck Jack…” He hadn’t even imagined Jack capable of that, hell none of the women who’d ever done it for him before was. He wasn’t being egotistical about it but really, he wasn’t exactly a small guy. But when he glanced down again, sure enough, he saw Jack’s nose brushing the course hair at the base of his dick. Bobby groaned loudly as Jack glanced up at him, a wicked light in his eyes. Jack was taking him to the hilt with each down stroke now and Bobby felt on his hands drifting lower to massage his balls, rolling them gently in a soft grip. Bobby’s own hips were thrusting upwards to meet Jack’s mouth instinctively, though he was trying to be careful not to hurt him. 

Bobby knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, he could already feel that familiar tight coil low in his belly, the tingling in his balls. “Jack...Jack…Christ Jack…I’m gonna…I’m…I’m gonna cum Jack…” He could barely form a coherent sentence to warn Jack, but he didn’t want to surprise him or choke him either. Jack’s only response was to pull him in deep again and hum low in his throat. At the feel of the vibrations running along his skin, lights flashed across Bobby’s vision and he came harder than he ever had before. 

He was barely aware as Jack kissed lightly back up his chest, to curl around Bobby’s body again. As soon as his breathing was even close to normal again, Bobby turned slightly and kissed Jack hard and possessively. He was a little amazed that the salty, bitter taste he found in Jack’s kiss wasn’t nearly as repulsive as he had thought it would be. Shit, he’d never wanted to kiss any woman after coming in her mouth for that very reason. But with Jack it was different. Totally different.

“Shit Jackie, wh…” he started to ask where Jack had learned that but aborted the question with a quick kiss. He didn’t want to know. It was obvious enough that this sure as hell wasn’t Jack’s first blow job and Bobby wasn’t about to start dredging up what must be unhappy memories for him.

Jack looked over at him with a slightly puzzled look and opened his mouth to say something, but went silent instead. A look of understanding washed over his face and he went all cautious and guarded again and he refused to meet Bobby’s eyes. That hurt. Here Bobby was still tingling from the best head he’d ever gotten and manages to fuck things up. 

“Hey…look at me…” He reached up and pulled Jack’s face up to meet his eyes. “Don’t you worry…I don’t even care, ya know. I love you.” The way he said it said it was so different from every other time he’d told Jack he loved him. It wasn’t the same tone he used when he told Jerry or Angel he loved them. Hell, it wasn’t even the same as when he told some of those women he’d been with before that he loved them. Maybe it was because this time he really meant it in a forever sort of way. Jack let that sink in a moment before smiling, and settling against Bobby’s chest again and Bobby wondered briefly if he’d always be able to turn Jack’s hurt feelings around so quickly as he had tonight.

They lay together in a now comfortable silence for some time, feeling drowsy and satiated. After a bit though, the wetness on their bellies was getting dry and itchy. Bobby was debating whether it was worth moving for, but in the end decided it was better to go ahead and clean up now. After an order to Jack to stay put, he went and washed off quickly in the bathroom before coming back with a warm wet cloth. He didn’t want Jack walking around on that knee. When he got back to the room, he had to take a moment to just admire the view of a naked Jack laid back comfortably on the bed looking quite satisfied, much to the bolstering of Bobby’s ego.

With a grin he walked over and wiped the mess from Jack’s midsection as best he could, grinning at the soft, contented sounds Jack made. If people could purr, he was pretty sure Jack would be sounding like a well fed tabby at the moment. Once Jack was clean enough, Bobby retrieved their boxers for at least some semblance of dress for bed. Bobby never could sleep naked the whole night, probably because he always expected some shit to go down at any time and the last thing he wanted to do was to face off with an intruder ass naked to the world. Once that was done he curled up in the bed next to Jack, pulling the covers up around them to ward off the chill in the room that he was just starting to notice. 

He chuckled softly and Jack turned and curled up in a way that wound their legs together but Jack could tuck his head under Bobby’s chin. Bobby was pretty sure his arm was gonna be asleep way before he was, but he really didn’t care. His mind wandered over the past years, just amazed that they had come to this point. As much as this had worried him before (terrified really, but Bobby was not going to admit that, even to his own mind), he couldn’t imagine ever being without this. No way in hell was he even considering giving it up again. He didn’t know what they were going to say to their brothers, if anything at all, and frankly at this moment he didn’t really care. They’d deal with rest tomorrow. They’d do it together. Right now he just wanted to be here with Jack forever. 

Lying in bed that night, legs twined around Jack’s, Bobby remembered that first night after Ma had told him she wanted to adopt him spent in this very room. He remembered it was the first time he really felt like he was home. That’s what being with Jack really felt like. Home. He was home.


End file.
